So I set up a guild in The Old Republic MMO and here is the logo for it. I love Wampas. They are the best. The vast, vast majority of you will probably not get the cruddy joke, so I give video :]
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
IN THIS EPIC CLASH OF WILLS:
-The attack of James Brown and the Viking Alien Vampire Strippers!
-You remember or not, but Dave is here!
-Jem Hadar attack ships, gambling problems and you!
-Behold the freckled young breasts of Marilyn Mon-I mean, Lindsay Lohan!
-My resignation from the Human Race!
-You too can be a level 1 Pinball Wizard with 4 Hit Points!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Faith No More teaches us the finer points of undead dinner time etiquette with a track from The Real Thing, a wondrous little number by the name of "Zombie Eaters!"
On the Podcast this week I go into disturbing detail about my one time job as a male stripper (it's a long story) and I mention my outfit during the time. Well, here it is. I used to have fangs cut out of paper that I taped to the mouth, but they looked stupid, so I got rid of it. I don't think in this picture I am wearing the dracula cape, though.
The Pinball Machine Museum, of course.
You see, I take my culture in extremely small, diluted doses, and I recently found myself at the Silver Ball Museum Arcade right here in sunny/snowy/freezing cold/unseasonably warm/downright gross New Jersey! I'll definitely be talking about this place in the next podcast, and I was blown away by the AWESOME AND RAMPANT SEXISM that was plastered all over these pinball machines (most of which were from the 60's, back when girls were girly and men had good taste.) So, I decided to take a few pictures of some of the more notable sights seen.
"Yes, puny mortals...hump for Gorgar's infinite and sexy amusement!"
By today's standards, these two shapely young dames would undoubtedly be considered fat pigs. Needless to say, today's standards are some straight tripe. This picture looks like a SPELLFIRE card gone terribly, terribly right.
On each pinball machine in the place, there is a card with the highest scores written on them. This one here is a crappily taken picture (sorry) but you can make out that the number one score is over 4 billion points. Yes, I typed BILLION. With a "B"
This pinball machine art actually encapsulates life as far as girls are concerned. Here you have some asshole who would rather play pool than pay any mind to the absolutely criminally stacked girl standing two feet away from him. Naturally, she is ALL about being ignored and treated like total shit, while meanwhile, the nice fella #58 sitting in the background who would actually buy her a hamburger and tell her she's pretty stares longingly at her ass and will surely go home alone to angrily masturbate. #58 will later lose all his hair and become a vastly unentertaining podcaster.
This scary gent is either going to fuck the living daylights out of this enormous-jugged lady, or kill her in some manner of surgical ritual. Perhaps both. Okay, very possibly both.
Anywho, it was a well good time, and it cost like 10 bucks for a whole hour of all-you-can play pinball machines and video games from days gone by. If you're ever in Asbury Park and want to stare at some blazingly fantastic breasts/learn yourself some pinball history, check out the Silver Ball Museum!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Here's a little doodle of Angie that I did the other day and I think it's a little neat, so I share. I dunno, she looks kinda spunky/peppy/excited-ish in a way, and it makes me go "Aw, look at that. Someone is ready to start the day!" and then immediately tear off my pants and chase her down with a hatchet.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
IN THIS BOLD HEADLINE:
-I am completely and totally down and out with the sickness!
-Even during a zombie apocalypse, men will demand their hooters!
-Season 5(?) is live!
-How to Break all kinds of Bad!
-Death to levels and gear!
-What's Kizarny Crizying about now?
-Fat James Bond will return in "Don't Die Till You Do Me!"
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Toad the Wet Sprocket helps us clean up a big ol' mess with a song from their compilation album In Light Syrup, here comes the "Janitor!"
Thursday, November 24, 2011
IN THIS INCONSIDERATE CATTLE MUTILATION:
-Nuclear Clown Radio proudly presents: The boyfriend experience!
-How the Necromancer (kinda) got its groove back!
-Bare-handed chicken ripping goodness!
-Nicole Kidman, mark II!
-My addiction to MacDonald's Coke Glasses!
-The undeniable musical chops of Mister Pauly Shore!
-An irradiated interview with the one and only Matt Panter!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: David Bowie tells us all about the black and roiling aetherbits of space with his iconic and anthemic title track from his classic "Space Oddity!"
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
IN THIS AFFRONT TO ALL WE HOLD SACRED:
-An Order most Irradiated!
-Let's talk philosophicability-like and stuff!
-Whycome Chief O'Brien is all fascinated with how trousers is put on?
-JDS gets the TKO on FOX!
-No, seriously, I'm just going to be resting my eyes for but a moment...
-SASHA GREY WILL READ TO YOUR KIDS WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
-A very Special movie review!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: I got my mind officially blown yesterday by this stuff, so I hope to pass it on to you by sharing a bit of Rasputina with all my Nukelings and Nukelettes out there! From the album Oh Perilous World, here comes one heck of a "Draconian Crackdown!"
Please read: A personal appeal from Nuclear Clown Incorporated founder The Irradiated One to Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales
I practically live on Wikipedia. It is source for 98% of the information that I practice. It is a wonderful place that allows stupid people like me to somehow live vicariously through others who do things like pay attention and research, and if Wikipedia told me tomorrow that the sky was actually yellow and it rained Twizzlers and spaghetti, I would believe the website over my own eyes/sanity.
That being said, Jimmy, seriously, please stop asking me for money. I don't have any.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
IN THIS PARTIALLY FINISHED GAME:
-Free UFC for you and me!
-All sorts of Heck on Wheels and the invincible members of SAMCRO!
-The return of Hollywood Hatred!
-A freaking book review? Are you serious?
-Caveman science and the origins of the Jet Plane!
-How hard is it to fit one book into a single movie?
-Hercules and Hawking!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Here comes Megadeth with a lovely few minutes of music from their most recent (and quite solid) release Th1rt3en, it's "Deadly Nightshade!"
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
I hate clip shows. So I made a clip show. I don't make any sense. Anyways, wanna hear a story or five?
(0:00 to 8:27) Introduction
(8:27 to 34:12) Dave’s first job/People think Dave is gay (NCR Episode 3)
(34:12 to 43:32) Dave shaves his head (NCR Episode 4)
(43:32 to 1:14:22) Dave’s dream (NCR Episode 8)
(1:14:22 to 1:29:27) Dave’s subliminal message/Dave’s Terminator masterpiece (NCR Episode 9)
(1:29:27 to 1:54:19) Dave hires a stripper/Dave’s car accident (NCR Episode 11)
(1:54:19 to 2:09:37) Dave the jellyfish/Dave the inventor (NCR Episode 14)
(2:09:37 to 2:16:12) Dave rents gay porn (NCR Episode 18)
(2:16:12 to 2:47:10) Dave cuts himself shaving/Dave takes drugs (NCR Episode 19)
(2:47:10 to 2:53:04) Dave the criminal (NCR Episode 21)
(2:53:04 to 2:56:07) Dave hates snipers (NCR Episode 23)
(2:56:07 to 3:28:39) Dave’s RPG problems/Dave instant kills his friend (NCR Episode 33)
Saturday, November 5, 2011
IN THIS 365 DAY FULL CIRCLE:
-A year of Irradiation!
-WHAT IS THE GOOCH?
-Give me five gold and I'll tell you everything!
-In space no one can hear a bunch of oversexed space teenagers scream as they get all sorts of carved up by space Jason Vorhees...in space...
-Cops and Megadeth and Robbers and Chimps and Guns!
-How to spill yogurt all over yourself and the remarkable longevity of Hey Dude!
-No more Beer and Money!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Portishead celebrates a full year of NCR with a nice little number from their debut album Dummy, it's "Wandering Star!"
Friday, November 4, 2011
Hey, check this girl out.
Seriously, that is some well good shit, right there.
I know that it's a cruddy picture as far as quality/resolution/clarity goes, but I searched for a good THREE OR FOUR minutes via Google to find it, so I have exhausted the limits of my effort-pool to bring you this. What was that, you ask? Is this just some random piece of young, soft lovely that I'm posting for kicks? Of course not. On the next Nuclear Clown Radio broadcast I will be talking about JASON X, where space meets machete to the delight of no one, save myself. I bring up this girl specifically in the Podcast, and I promised myself I would post a picture of her so everyone could see what I was talking to.
See, this girl right here isn't normally my type. I like girls with chin length bobbed hair, huge, unwieldy breasts and hips that could tip over a Buick. This girl here is thin, not tremendously busty, and is pretty lithe of frame. So, what's the big, then?
Easy! Style. Her outfit is fantastic and cute and boner-encouraging, and proves a point that clothing and style are often times more important and sexier than the person actually sporting the clothes to begin with. So, if you wanna see lovely Janessa here prancing about for about an hour and a half in that unbelievably sexy outfit, go watch Jason X on the Netflix instant Queue and you and your boner can have some great laughs!
I don't even like Halo, and this video is old as heck, but it still rules so very hard...seriously. One of my all time favorite commercials of all time. The cinematic majesty displayed here is second to none, with the exception of NIGHT TRAP, of course. I mean, let's not get carried away...
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
IN THIS TEMPORAL HEIST:
-Earth 2 Apocalypse 0!
-Were there boobs in Brain Scan or not?
-My last words!
-A Dungeons & Dragons meltdown!
-Jalapenos, Margaritas (no salt), staircases and me!
-Time Banditry and how to make a homeless Orphan!
-Death to onions!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Toad the Wet Sprocket plays us out this week with a fun song from their album Pale, here comes "Corporal Brown!"
Monday, October 31, 2011
So, Halloween is today...I think. See, I live in an area where some people do the whole trick or treat dealy on the 30th, and some people do it on the 31st. I have no idea what is the real date, but my friend google claims that today is Halloween. So, as part of my campaign to begin trick-or-treating online, I present to you my costume this year, thanks to my horrid photoshop skills, I proudly(?) bring to you...FAT DOCTOR MANHATTAN!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN(?) EVERYBODY!
PS: I went to three different stores just now to find car window defroster spray, and NOBODY had any. No, they weren't sold out, but flat out didn't have any yet. Can you believe that? Also, since I've done my part of the bargain and dressed up all in my costume, you can mail me food at your earliest convenience. I like pizza. Just leave it in my mailbox and we'll call it even. That is all.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
IN THIS FALL CLASSIC:
-Penis is hat?
-Happy Royal Gauntlet day!
-The problem with your internet password!
-Death to Panda Monks...and Monks in general!
-The great Pumpkin Pie Blizzard of 2011!
-Properly pronouncing Bizarro!
-6 year old driving shoes and the passion of the Binks!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Beck makes us all sorts of sad with what I always considered to be a pretty downtrodden little number from his album Mellow Gold, it's "Whiskeyclone, Hotel City 1997!"
Friday, October 21, 2011
IN THIS GENTLEMAN'S AGREEMENT:
-I got the podcast like Jagger!
-The unsuccessful Roman Empire?
-An Alex Jones lullaby!
-Universal motorist apology hand symbols and when to use them!
-The sexiest hair alive!
-Deeper spoons and bad decisions!
-The stand up comedy curse!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Sonic Youth gets a perfect score for their classic song from their absolutely filthy album Dirty, it's "100%!"
Monday, October 10, 2011
IN THIS EXPERTLY CRAFTED HOAX:
-The ins and outs of death-faking!
-Dungeons & Dragons...FROM THE FUTURE, MAN!
-Star Wars + Gambling = Excitement!
-October heatwaves and the Bi-Polar Garden State!
-WWE and TV and me!
-I unleash the ultimate George Harrison impression!
-The Truth about Blood!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: From the soundtrack to one of my favorite movies, Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai, the RZA gives us a brief lesson in the finer arts of Tekken with "Samurai Showdown!"
In this week's podcast, I talk about the dumbass/ridiculous adventure module "Tale of the Comet" that I was lucky enough to come across for the sake of history. This is said adventure, where a party of adventurers is attacked by like...that thing there. Pretty stupid, huh? If you are a GM, and at any point think "Wouldn't it be cool to have my D&D players go in the future?" I want you to stop, punch yourself in the throat, and then take a good, long look at this image here. You will see things my way.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
IN THIS 100% FULL COLOR BLACK AND WHITE TOME:
-Let's talk Magneats!
-The ungettable book gets got!
-The finer points of wrong number etiquette!
-In (Deep) space (Nine) no one can hear you completely and totally overact!
-Second class spray tan confusion?
-Naked Elves in capes!
-The audacity of Audacity!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: David Bowie dedicates a wonderfully touching ballad to the great New Jersian and world record holder Uncle Floyd Vivino in a song off of the album Heathen, "Slip Away!"
Saturday, October 1, 2011
IN THIS UNEXPECTED FRENZY OF ACTIVITY:
-The Qapla' of the Christ!
-Full mount falsehoods and Brock Lesnar's fair weather fans!
-Return to Azeroth (Kinda sorta in a way, but not really!)
-Deleted minute fury!
-The death of the ass of the White Queen!
-A real First Class movie review!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: To this day, probably the best song title I have ever heard comes from one of my favorite musical act peoples, Megadeth, from their not-so-hot album The System Has Failed, it's "Blackmail the Universe!"
Friday, September 30, 2011
Okay, that title probably doesn't make much sense, so allow me to elaborate! Back in 1999, I was 19 years old, wide eyed, less fat, was the proud owner of a full head of hair and was filled with hope (and donuts.) At this time I was in a band with some of my friends I went to high school with, and we put together a CD of 15 original songs. The band was called Otis, and the album is Where's My Grand Radio Daddy?
So I figure, since I have all these songs laying around, I may as well put them to use! I talk about the recording of the album, as well as do a song by song breakdown, followed by me playing the actual song, so it's kind of like one of those VH1 Storytellers type thingies, only much less cool!
Extra Bonus: Also, for your downloading pleasure/disinterest, below is a list of the individual songs that you can download if you find the music less than dreadfulicious. Enjoy! I hope!
OTIS: WHERE'S MY GRAND RADIO DADDY?
UNRELEASED BONUS TRACK
Jared Duncan - Basses
Greg Kuter - Guitars
Joe Pfeiffer - Drums
Dave Roman - Vocals
Jared Duncan - Basses
Greg Kuter - Guitars
Joe Pfeiffer - Drums
Dave Roman - Vocals
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
I said I was going to puke up some Bonus Audio during the latest episode of NCR, and a Dave always keeps his promises! CRIT SCHOOL is a one time audio blurb I did about the sweet (Read: lonely) science of role playing, and in this LONG ASS file I talk about all sorts of aspects about running games and the like. I go over my personal philosophy on Game Mastering, as well as talk about my pet peeves and even give an adventure by adventure run down of one of the Campaigns I ran some time ago.
WARNING: This chunk of audio is solely about Role Playing Games, and I talk about absolutely nothing else. It is also FOUR HOURS long, so seriously, unless you like this sort of shit a LOT, you certainly will hate this! You have been more than warned.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
IN THIS TOUCHY FEELY TRIBUTE:
-64 Ounces of Gatorade and intestinal Russian roulette pizza!
-Glamour shot sexting, please!
-The sad truth about the Philadelphia Art Institute!
-Razors, Death and Mice!
-3 dollar Trekkies!
-Elvira passes the bra-I mean, torch?
-Savage 7th Pathfinding Deluxe Sea Worlds 4th Edition?
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: We get a nifty self titled album song thingy from Cracker this week, who covers our domes with a nice fashionable "Kerosene Hat!"
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
IN THIS AUDIO NATURAL DISASTER:
-What is wrong with my hiccups?
-Earthquakes and Hurricanes and I!
-The fine art of the Sequel!
-Gay transvestite learning disabled blind scientologist Spider-Man!
-Fantasy Football: Dungeons & Dragons for jocks!
-The Dark Knight still sucks!
-Surf's up Gary Busey!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Sonic Youth is good enough to play us out this week, with a song from their album Washing Machine, the spin-dried delight "Saucer-Like!"
Monday, August 15, 2011
IN THIS RIDICULOUS CONTENT DROUGHT:
-I <3 August?
-The strange bedside manner of Doctor Beverly Von Doom!
-Miraculous things you can buy with two dollars and eighty-eight cents!
-Co-Nan or Co-Nin? You make the call!
-Everybody travels through time except me and my cat!
-The end of the Last Emperor?
-The Punk Code and how to defy it!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: A truly unsung and underrated effort from Red Hot Chili Peppers plays us out this time, with a sliver of audio from One Hot Minute, the completely compelling "Transcending!"
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
IN THIS NONE-TOO-ROWDY HALF TIME CELEBRATION:
-Chest beating Alex Jones mega-fury = Victory!
-Apes want to flip over your car!
-My extensive review of WWE Money in the Bank!
-Captain America blues!
-Won't someone pay the Dragon "Spider Money?"
-Julius Caesar and me!
-And so much less!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Faith No More plays us out this week with a stirring sliver of musical goodness from their nigh-universally hated King for a Day, Fool for a Lifetime album, "Just a Man!"
Friday, July 8, 2011
IN THIS EXCLUSIVE PAINT BY NUMBERS:
-How I learned to tell time!
-That tricky silent T!
-Kick all kinds of habits with a simple pill and a trip to Mexico!
-Vulcan stair running loneliness!
-Where have all the 24 hour stores gone?
-Suckers! Punches! Dragons!
-More accidental deletions and computer time folly!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: From his downright spectacular classic album Aladdin Sane, David Bowie is all smiles with his terribly lovely song "Lady Grinning Soul!"
Thursday, June 23, 2011
IN THIS BLISSFUL EVENT:
-Nothing but happy!
-The problem with invisible whips!
-The Olympics and you!
-Smile for me, birdies!
-The not so cold war between Army Ants and Barnyard Commandos!
-Why you should never challenge the Ultimate Warrior to anything!
-Building jumpers unite!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Yea, that's his real name! Seal plays us out this week with an ode to all us loons out there off of his self titled album, cuz we so "Crazy!"
Monday, June 20, 2011
Okay, okay, so it’s not the most clever title for a Blog Post. What can I say? I have the maturity of a third grader.
The next Podcast I do will be a very special “ALL POSITIVE” version of NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO, where for once, negativity will be outlawed on penalty of death. That being said, since I have a lot of thoughts on the Game of Thrones Season Finale (a lot of them are negative) it would be against the rules for me to discuss them on the all good stuff podcast, so I will do things the old fashioned way and type up a Blog Post on the subject (and boy, I’m already winded typing out actual words this far! I’m far too used to talking all my gripes about this stuff.)
Now, this is going to be pretty long, and undoubtedly long winded, so please do forgive me for the rambling and poor grammar. I will try to organize my thoughts as much as possible, but with a series this grand in scope and characters, it’s surely going to get crowded in the jumbled-ideas department.
First, let me give a very important blanket statement, because I feel it is of importance.
I DID NOT READ ANY OF THE BOOKS THIS SHOW IS BASED ON
So, when I say “I don’t understand this character” or “I didn’t get this part,” please know that I don’t know if said part or character later goes on to play a HUGE role in the unfolding story. My observations on this material is SOLELY from the HBO show. I am POSITIVE that there are things and characters in the show that they mention briefly that end up being more important to the overall scheme, but I don’t know any of that, so keep this in mind.
Now that that is out of the way, we can proceed.
After watching the first season of Game of Thrones, I have come up with one opinion that I think sums up the entire show thus far.
THIS MAKES A FAR BETTER BOOK SERIES THAN A TELEVISION SHOW
I know, I know, I just said I never read the books, so how can I say that this makes a better book series than TV show?
There are too many characters in this show to effectively give them all enough camera time to make them stand out. Towards the end of the season, when Robb Stark raises an army and is later proclaimed King of the North, I found myself saying “What is this guy all about?”
He is obviously an important character, but how is he different than any of his other five (or nine, or thirteen, or whatever) brothers they have already introduced? I honestly could not tell you ONE facet of his personality that makes him stand out. Robb Stark is an important character, but since there are 5,000 characters all jockeying for air time on the show, they all end up with less attention to detail, and they all end up not very fleshed out.
|"What, me? I'm a main character on this show? Coulda fooled me. I thought I was just a vanilla-bean average Joe. Does this sword make me look like a main character? No? Howsabout when I hold it out at you all menacing like?"|
Even with season 1 coming to a close, there are still people who pop up on the show and inspire an immediate “Who dat?” response in me. Sure, you could chalk it up to me being an imperceptive moron, but I think it is less that, and more that the show, for ALL its characters, really only has a handful of well defined players. It’s a limitation of TV, of course, and it’s something I think hurts the series.
I have read that the HBO show follows the books VERY closely, and I think that may have been a mistake. Books and episodic TV are VERY different mediums, and I think the story thus far would have benefitted from a hefty culling of lesser characters. In a book series, you can afford to have a whopping cast, because there is no page limit on how long a book can be. With television, you don’t have endless time to flesh out everyone, and you need to make some cuts to keep the vision focused.
That is my main gripe with this show. It seems unfocused, and brings way, way too much to the table, with little of it actually being necessary. When you have to keep track of who is who in three different families, you really need to keep things a bit more strict and focused as to not tire out your audience. Hell, I feel like I need a family tree and a timeline to keep track of this stuff.
Now, as I said, for a book series, this is just fine. But we’re talking TV here.
THE SEASON FINALE GOOD STUFF
I love King Joffrey. Seriously. They picked the perfect actor to be a spiteful little inbred creep, and he plays the role masterfully! I was cheering him on when he ordered Ned executed, and in the season ender he was equally great in this role.
With Tyrion being appointed hand of the King (lol I typed ‘Kink’ at first) I can see some great fireworks between the two relatives, as the last time Joffrey and Tyrion met, the creepy inbred fella was getting slapped around something fierce by the plucky dwarf. I can see Joffrey not forgetting this, and now that he has the power to do so, getting a bit of payback, but that’s just my prediction.
While I’m on the topic, I want to talk about everyone’s (not mine) favorite character on Game of Thrones. Tyrion Lannister is a neat character who gets quite a bit of camera time on this show. Too much, I think. Everyone I know who watches the show just loves him to death and he is their favorite character on the series, and I think they gave him a bit too much time. When you are dealing with this wellspring of supporting players, you can’t focus on anyone too long, or the balance of the show kind of goes off. I feel they focused too much on Tyrion at the expense of other people important to the story they could be developing (like Robb Stark, who really should have some kind of distinctive presence or flair about him which I am just completely not getting for a character who gets to be important to the story.)
Personally, Arya Stark is my favorite on the show. She’s a memorable character, and they don’t overdo it with her. Tyrion is a bit played out, I feel, and while I like the character and the performance, in my opinion they focus on him far too much at the detriment of the other movers and shakers in the story.
Also, while I hate the Orlando Bloom clone Jon Snow, I do like where the Watch left off, pushing out beyond the wall to face whatever horrors lay beyond it head on. I thought it was well done and strangely enough, I am anxious to see what’s beyond the wall. A good little twist of events there that I found welcome.
THE SEASON FINALE BAD STUFF
I know I harp on this a lot, but seriously…what are they thinking with the Dothraki? These must be the most pussified band of “Barbarians” I have ever seen. I’ve talked at length about the absolute nonsense of how they consistently punk out the utterly pussy whipped Khal Drogo, but the season finale was the absolute icing on the cake for me.
So, let me get this straight…
The blonde gal (sorry, I am not up for spelling that name of hers) gets all PC on the raiding Barbarians, and makes a new ‘No Plundering’ policy. She saves a group of conquered women from getting a train run on them. Among these girls, is a healer type person.
|"Guskar, I told you in our staff meeting before that you have to keep your battle cry to an acceptable level. We are getting complaints from the neighbors. I am going to have to fine you ten Barbarian Bucks for the infraction."|
So, Khal Drogo, being a moron, walks into a sickle, and his wound gets infected (OH OH SPAGHETTIOS) but that’s cool, because they have this new healer with them. Right?
So the healer makes some kind of faustian, twilight zone deal. She will save Khal Drogo in exchange for a life. The Blonde agrees, and they make a horse bleed all over the place. I was hoping they would turn him into some kind of zombie centaur, but OF COURSE NOT/DAVE NEVER GETS WHAT HE WANTS.
So, the half horse/half dragon baby inside of the Blond has to die, so that the Khal can live. Okay, makes sense.
OR DOES IT? You see, Khal Drogo lived, but is in a vegetative state (Just like the Undertaker!) and can only lay there and stare blankly in the distance. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FOOLED YOU!
So, the Witch double crosses the girl who saved her just a few episodes earlier. Then, the Blond, unable to see her big, bad Barbarian fella live like Rain Man, decides to kill him anyway with a pillow.
So, lemme get this nice and arrow-straight…
-Blondie doesn’t want Khal to die, so she makes a deal with this Witch lady.
-Witch lady saves Khal (kinda.) He isn’t dead, but he’s a vegetable.
-Blondie kills Khal anyway.
I have so many spectacular problems with this set up, that I will need to invent new words to properly convey said problems.
I am looking at this from a Barbarian’s point of view. Since this Blond girl has shacked up with my tribal leader, he has died, as did the child of my Tribal leader. Now, someone please tell me why on earth, as a Barbarian tribe, they continue to follow her? Ever since she joined them, the tribe has gone to heck in a hand basket, and they are marching god knows where to do god knows what.
Why is there not complete and utter open rebellion?
Well, naturally, because Blondie can walk through fire and not get burned, and hatch 3 Dragons…of course.
Now, maybe I’m just weird, but I didn’t get this part at all. Blondie hatches 3 baby Dragons. WOW. Big huge whoop. Now all they have to do is wait a few thousand years for those Dragons to get huge and dangerous, then they can kick a whole bunch of ass!
I watched this with my friend, and when I asked him “WHY ARE THEY STILL FOLLOWING HER?” he replied with “She walked in fire and wasn’t burned, and she hatched the three dragons. They see her as some kind of figure of power, so they will follow her.”
A fair enough explanation, but nothing but bad stuff has happened to the tribe since Blondie came aboard, and the Dothraki are all about horses. Not dragons. I don’t see why they would give a shit.
And again, beyond that…THEY ARE BABY DRAGONS. My cat is more dangerous.
Are they gonna pull a TV sitcom dealy where they have a baby on the show, then the next season that baby is like 4 years old? When season 2 starts, are the Dragons gonna be awkward teenagers? Now, I only got a C- in my DRAGONOLOGY classes in college, but I would assume it takes a long ass time for a dragon to reach maturity, so what is the big deal?
I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me, but this was a huge EYE ROLL OF DOOM moment for me.
It may seem like I didn’t like the Game of Thrones season finale, but that isn’t the case. The stuff that I really liked about it kind of cancelled out the stuff I hated about it. I have absolutely HATED how they handle the Dothraki since very early on in the season, and they continually seem to crotch up these people as any kind of viable threat. All in all, the season finale of Game of Thrones gets a “Eh, it was okay.” From me, due to me liking some stuff, and me hating some other stuff.
If you’ve never seen the show before, and have the chance to, I do recommend it. If anything, because it’s exceedingly well done as far as sets, wardrobe, and general “Hey, this is kinda new and something I haven’t seen before.” All in all, it’s not a bad show, and if you are a fan of the books, you will no doubt be pleased with how close they attempt to stick to the source material.
That being said, in my personal opinion, I think this show would greatly benefit from a LARGE culling of superfluous characters and more of a focus on the main folks involved.
Also, please stop making Barbarians pussies. I’m asking so very nicely…
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
I was sifting through some old art and trying my best to sort some old stuff out when I came across this picture of Angie that was about halfway done (I get bored and don't finish a lot of stuff) that I was gonna use for the "Technical Difficulties" bit for my YouTube videos. I figured it was about time I finished it and plastered it on the site because everyone likes Angie and her thrist bags. My personal favorite part of this picture is Angie's teeth, which I think look adorable.
IN THIS NEVER BEFORE SEEN RERUN:
-How the Brujah got the shaft!
-Rise of the Zombie Barbarian Centaur People!
-Follow me (kinda) on Twitter!
-Who is this Mister Bane and what does he want from me?
-Very special muscles!
-What is the Irradiated Order?
-Alex Jones wants you to join the Infowar (and eat an entire turkey!)
-Alex Jones wants you to join the Infowar (and eat an entire turkey!)
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Who's that lurking in the darkness? Don't worry, Friends, it's just our good old friend DJ Shadow and a sliver of song from his album Preemptive Strike, wanting desperately to know "What Does Your Soul Look Like (Part 3!)"
Friday, June 10, 2011
For all your cosmic wisdom needs, Friend Martin is at your disposal, so make sure all you Twitter peoples hop on board and get your ass to the chopper/Mother Ship. You can find and follow Riley HERE, and if you want to get Riley's knowledge to own on DVD, pick up Riley Martin's Cosmic Legend HERE and don't forget to check the Bonus Features for my full half hour sit down interview with Riley!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
IN THIS STERLING MARK OF EXCELLENCE:
-In the end there can only be one review of Highlander!
-What did they do to my White Queen?
-Breaking News: Barbarian legions enact new Politically Correct non-plunder policy!
-Tough Enough ends dumb enough!
-My magnificent vanishing store!
-The Incredible Hulk is still Pretty Green!
-America Online keeps it real old school in 2011!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: The brothers Gallagher take a few minutes out of their busy day of constantly beating on each other to play a song for us, as Oasis kindly gifts us with the (sorta) title track from their second batch of songs (What's the Story) Morning Glory!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
IN THIS RECURRING AND RELENTLESS SEA MONSTER ASSAULT:
-Piping hot stone cold pancakes!
-Honorless, armor piercing, hollow point Mosquitos!
-The phantom scary knock out/slamming power of Mister Q. Rampage Jackson!
-Sometimes girls get pregnant at the most inopportune times!
-Will the real Luke Skywalker please stand up?
-Records and Warriors!
-Me and my moderated chat struggles and the infamous one shot Archer!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: David Bowie freaks and creeps us all out with a song from his opus Scary Monsters (And Super Creeps) and tells us all a bit about "Teenage Wildlife!"
Saturday, May 28, 2011
IN THIS GRUELING FOUR DAY CAMPAIGN:
-Complete and total post Rapture coverage!
-What exactly is you?
-An unfortunate end to the Madness!
-Remember when WCW got a makeover right before they went out of business?
-Rob Zombie problems!
-Getting possessed by Satan just ain't what it used to be!
-Real quick nervous breakdowns and the evaporated third hour of Episode 32!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: MD.45 is good enough to play a song from their album The Craving, and sets us all up a nice, cozy room at "Hell's Motel!"
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
IN THIS TOWERING FURNACE OF FEAR:
-Bill Murray as Loki = Sold Ticket!
-Gatorade's glass roots!
-In loving memory of very, very bad taste!
-Wolfmen, Savages, Dinosaurs and Wizards!
-20 years of green marble!
-Give the man who fights for millions of people on TV in high profile sporting events all over the world a little bit of privacy, will ya?
-Boba Fett for tots!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: From Depeche Mode's Playing the Angel, the show this week ends with the delicate little diddy "Precious!"
Sunday, May 15, 2011
I've mentioned on SEVERAL occassions that Jeff Jarrett has the style and presence of mind to rock BLOODRAYNE merchandise from time to time, but I never felt like anyone believed me when I brought it up. Well, after scouring the Internet for DECADES, I have managed to track down my proof, so here it is, in all its glory. Keep up the bold fashion statements, Jeff!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
IN THIS THREE COURSE MEAL FROM THE TREE OF KNOWLEDGE:
-NCR gets a second home!
-Just keep your Power Glove off her, alright?
-Hey Civilization 5: Why so serious?
-The politically correct pussification of the Cimmerian Male!
-Death to the Palette Swap Ninja Brigade!
-WHYDFML Stan Lee?
-The legendary invisible uppercut!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Let's get noisy with Sonic Youth! From their album Experimental Jet Set, Trash and No Star, we get to stare into the great big unblinking "Tokyo Eye!"
Thursday, May 5, 2011
IN THIS 16 CARD BOOSTER PACK:
-CCG for you and me!
-Nintendo 3DS offers total and complete blindness in the palm of your hand!
-The new 9:40 start time for Monday Night Raw?
-How to be an efficient Biker gang member!
-GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY, SUPERMAN!
-The Piss Dragon retires Captain America Karate Kid style!
-Hail the God Child AND the Golden Child!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: From David Bowie's Earthling, we all take the week off, dress warm, and spend "Seven Years in Tibet!"
Friday, April 29, 2011
IN THIS MUTUAL COMMERCIAL RELATIONSHIP:
-I am brutalized in a war of words!
-HAIL THE GOD CHILD.
-Down with the rule of one!
-Wizards of the Coast ridiculous and endless rip-off bullcrap nonsense for dummies!
-How to respect the man who tells you right to your face that he porked your girlfriend, by Matt Morgan!
-The problem with candy!
-Role Players Unite!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: A man and his piano can never go wrong. Need proof? Look no further! Jerry Lee Lewis plays us out this week with his revised cover of the classic "That Lucky Old Sun!"
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
IN THIS PROPERLY SPELLED THIRTY FOOT MOON SAULT:
-Francis Kazarian: Spell Checker extraordinaire!
-A complete and total Terminator retrospective!
-By the swollen and painfully erect child pipe of Hades, the Sopranos ending sucked!
-Much to Jeff Jarrett's delight, my relentless hounding of the Bloodrayne trilogy continues!
-The gut wrenching tales of my eating contest years!
-The Death of RPG Stores everyplace!
-Don't hang yourself, Eva, for I still love you!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: A truly tubular team-up of bands plays us out this week as 764-Hero & Modest Mouse join forces to bring us their fifteen minute epic "Whenever You See Fit!"
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
IN THIS DIRE PREDICTION:
-Hark! The blazing ache of summer dawns!
-Cats, bin men and samurai swords!
-The reality of false advertising and the mysterious disappearance of William Gates!
-Millions and millions of Brazilians!
-I'm beginning to think that Scott Hall likes to drink...
-My holy war against anime!
-The return of the Brood (In my mind, of course!)
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: DJ Shadow gives us all some mighty hep music with a song from the album Preemptive Strike, an excitable little tune called "Organ Donor!"