Hey, all! Count Dracula and I are at it again, and we're here to usher in 2020 with a brand new Podcast called ATOMIC DISASTER THEATER. You should check it out, as we miss you greatly and need to reconnect. Head on over to https://AtomicDisasterTheater.blogspot.com/ and join us!
So, I am pretty terrible at video games, and I aim to prove it by live streaming every now and again! Here is a link to my profile on Twitch so that you can come laugh at my noob sauce or whatever it is the kids say these days.
So, I've been pretty disgusted with my inking as of late, and have seen how absolutely WONDERFUL a lot of people online are with using a Tablet to ink their artwork directly into Photoshop. I bought a fairly-kinda-sorta-decent tablet some years ago, and used it MAYBE twice before putting it down out of absolute frustration.
A few weeks ago, I dusted it off and tried to honestly give it a go. I'm not at all pleased with the results, and I remember why I stopped using tablets in the first place. It feels utterly strange and funky to me, and takes approximately 8 years to get anything done. I figured instead of have this picture rot inside my hard drive forever, I would share with you.
I would really like to improve the inking quality of my work, and know that the only way to get my lines looking the way I want is to get good with inking using a Tablet. Many folks online are utterly AMAZING with these things, and I feel very ape-like and clumsy using one. Hopefully, in time, I will be a goddamn adult and actually practice this manner of art. In the immediate future, though, I think I'll keep trudging along with my crappy V-5 and V-7 pens. I still use AOL for my email, so, as you might imagine, I fear change.
So, here is the pencil sketch I scanned into my computer. The rest of the work on this picture was done using my Tablet and massive sausage fingers.
While I don't think this is TOO terrible for a first real attempt, I still think the lines look shaky and weak. I didn't want to mess up, so I zoomed in SUPER close as I inked each little spot, trying to make it look okay. Zoomed up close, you'll notice a lot of details that just don't stand out at all when you view the image at normal size. I'll have to try and find a happy medium as I experiment with this stuff! I was actually going to use this picture for a Poster for a Podcast episode, but I just don't like how brittle the lines look. I might just ink the original version the old fashioned way, color that in, and use it as a Poster sometime down the road.
Seriously, how awesome is Lionel Richie? Anyone that has anything to do with The Commodores is pretty spectacular in my opinion, am I right?
Anyway. the posting of this Blog Post will mark the third year Anniversary of the very first Episode of NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO, which I will be celebrating(?) with all of you in an upcoming Year Three Podcast. The key word there is "Upcoming"!
Now, my original vision was to post an Anniversary Podcast every year at the exact MINUTE that the first episode was posted, and for the first year Anniversary show, I did just that! However, last year, New Jersey (and my electricity) was still recovering from being Super-Hurri-Franken-Cane-Stormed, which meant my Second Anniversary show had to be delayed and couldn't be released on the exact Anniversary of the first show. Bummer all around!
Unfortunately, I'm gonna be late this year too with an Anniversary Podcast. Gimme a few days and I'll have it, as I have much to discuss. I'm just typing out this little note to say HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BURFDAY TYPE THING, NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO! I'd also like to thank any of you who have taken the time to listen to any of my shows, and hope that there will be a good deal more Anniversaries and Episodes ahead.
As of this post (Date and time exactly) NCR is 2 years old! This is fairly cool. However, due to power outages and NATURAL DISASTERS and the like, I was not able to, as I had anticipated/planned, do a 2nd Anniversary show and post it on the exact same day/time as the first episode (Nov 5th at 6:42 on the nose), which makes me REALLY sad and all that.
Heck, I even had the poster for the year 2 Anniversary special already done weeks ago. I THOUGHT I was prepared!
Anywho, rest assured, the 2nd Anniversary show will be up SOMETIME soonish, just not like EXACTLY a year after the first anniversary show. I have SO MUCH to discuss it will prolly be like 4 hours long. Sucks to be you if you plan on listening!
As President, CEO, Board of Director member and primary
stock holder of NUCLEAR CLOWN INCORPORATED, I have come to realize something
about myself as a Wrestling Fan: I like shit that nobody likes.
As such, it is with great honor and humility that I
proudly introduce the OFFICIAL NUCLEAR CLOWN PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME. Each
year, an esteemed council of Pro Wrestling experts, fans and judges will
tirelessly review BILLIONS of possible candidates from the entire spectrum of
pro wrestling history, and induct a rare few who have the gumption, legendary
status, as well as mental fortitude to exceed the sport and become absolutely
true legends in this hallowed industry.
Translation: I will induct people that I like. Most of
which “real” wrestling fans will most likely laugh at me for liking.
As I sit here typing this, I am in a full tuxedo, dressed
to the gills with my big fat bald head waxed to a pearly shine. This is a black
tie affair, and I do hope that you are properly dressed for the occasion. You
all changed and Ventrue-ish? Excellent. Now, it is with great pride that I
present to you the VERY FIRST Induction of theClass of 2012…
NORMAN SMILEY
Now, when I first saw Norman Smiley wrestle, I was
immediately fascinated with his shoes. This is tremendously gay, I know, but he
wore these old style amateur wrestling shoe type dealies that just immediately
grabbed my attention. He didn’t have too much flavor to him at first, but he
did this really great looking swinging body slam that was very cool looking, so
I kept my eye on him and his awesome freaking shoes.
I’ve often said that being a good, proficient wrestler in
the ring is all well and good, but means very little if you don’t have SOME
kind of character to pair with it. This isn’t simply an athletic display like
the Olympics, but it’s more a show, like a circus or gladiatorial event. You
need style, panache, and all that good stuff to REALLY stand out, not just
sweet moves or technical proficiency. Norman had that shit down fine, but he
needed some flash, and he certainly got some when he developed THE BIG WIGGLE. I should never want to see another man perform this hip-motion ever in my life, but my god, man, it fills me with glee every time.
Another thing about Normal Smiley I really like? The guy
has a great voice. He’s this calm and articulate and relaxed fellow. The guy
could read me a bedtime story and I’d be asleep for days. I will boldly predict
that if Norman Smiley worked suicide prevention hotlines, he would CURE
SUICIDE. His name is SMILEY for crying out loud. Who would ever want to die
after talking with a man named Smiley?
You are the VERY first ever inductee to my Hall of Fame,
Norman. If I was a rich man I would build an official Hall of Fame building and
have your awesome shoes in a glass case for the masses to marvel at. Welcome
home.
*AUDIENCE REACTION: Respectful and polite applause as well as numerous Big
Wiggle interpretations throughout the crowd*
Our second inductee is of particular importance to myself
and my penis. As a young boy, I lost literal gallons of precious seed to her
perky smile and astonishing gyrations. The WCW Nitro girls were a vastly
awesome idea in my opinion, and they always added to the show because they were
used sparsely here or there, returning from a commercial break for a quick
dance-session or the like. If they were around nowadays, they would eat up 10
minute segments on Raw and quickly grow tiresome, but WCW did it right.
Everyone had a favorite Nitro Girl. There were a bunch to
choose from, most of which, to me, were silly looking cardboard cut-outs. Long
hair, big, rock hard bolted on fake boobs, and zero, and I mean ZERO
personality or style. However, amid the endless sea of plastic and ex-strippers
there was a gleaming light that I was immediately drawn to every Monday Nite,
and she is our second induction this evening.
NITRO GIRL SPICE
Seriously. Look at her. Look. At. Her. LOOK AT HER!
Spice always came across to me as less a human being and
more some magical woodland fairy creature that would flitter and prance about
the majestic lands of some D&D misty glade, sprinkling horny-dust all over
the place and forever evading the lurking sexual predators of said forest
(which were giant and bald and fat and all named Dave for some reason).
Of all the Nitro girls, she actually had her own vibe and
flavor to her. She stood out, because she didn’t have giant fake hoots or long
hair. She had her own style, her own personality, and is the Nitro Girl that
launched a thousand boners that all happened to belong to me. Growing up,
nobody I talked to about wrestling ever knew who Spice was. I felt like I was
the only one who cared about the poor dear, but I know I am not alone in my
wild longings to crush her bones to fine powder during a copious and sloppy
session of lard-covered Dave-loving. The wrestling community may have
overlooked you, my dear woman, but I never will, and I proudly welcome you as
the First lady of the Nuclear Clown Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame.
*AUDIENCE REACTION: Hushed gasps and whispers as
security is required to remove Dave from the stage after a prolonged session of
“Air-Humping”*
Well, now that all that Air Humping is outta my system…
Modern day wrestling seems to be some distant offspring
to what I once used to watch and enjoy as a youth. Of all the things that
wrestling nowadays lacks that it used to have, the one thing I miss most has
got to be the simple and long neglected use of Managers and Valets.
Sure, the Joker is cool and all that, but isn’t he just
THAT much better with Harley Quinn at his side, bopping around and being cute?
Pro wrestling is about characters and illusions and stories, and nothing brings
those characters to life better than supporting characters to further define
the idea you are trying to express to an audience with a Wrestler. Which brings us to our third induction for the
evening…
GOLDUST & MARLENA
If you were to ask me who my all time favorite wrestler
is, I might give you a different answer each day of the week. However, I can
promise you that on at least two of those days, my answer would be Goldust
& Marlena. Surely you will say “But, Dave, Marlena ain’t no wrestler!” and
I would agree. However, this character of the freaky, opponent-feeling-up,
movie obsessed actor and his cigar smoking Director, all clad in Gold, is a
package deal for me, and in my opinion, was the height of what a character
should be in pro wrestling.
I mean, really, the guy is like straight up James Bond/Batman villain level we're talking here.
Goldust stuck around for numerous years after his
partnership with Marlena, but yaknow, it just wasn’t the same. He got
electrocuted, teamed up with Booker T, and from time to time you’d see him on
TV, but I don’t think the entire essence of the character was ever fully whole
since those old glory days alongside Marlena, and as far as I’m concerned, both
sides of this awesome duo deserve equal recognition for making it all work, and
with that, I welcome them proudly to this elite group!
*AUDIENCE REACTION: Sheer horror as Dave tears off his
Tuxedo to reveal that his entire fat and nude body has been painted gold.
Horror soon turns to a sea of giggles as the women in the audience take in the
ludicrously undersized sight of Dave’s flaccid and shriveled up goo launcher*
Over the course of their careers, Wrestlers often take up
various identity changes in an attempt to connect with an audience. Few Pro
Wrestlers can say that they have maintained the same character for the entire
length of their career, and it is a rare few who do manage to completely change
up their identity and become reborn as something completely, utterly different
than the persona they once held fast to. Our next induction made a beyond
drastic change in character that was vastly underappreciated by the wrestling
community as a whole, but I not only remember it vividly, but absolutely loved
it.
BERLYN
Alex Wright was a good looking, blond and German Master-Race-looking
type of fella in WCW who came out to the ring to heinous Euro-trash techno
music while dancing like a foppish and gay retard. Don’t believe me? Check it.
Now, don’t get me wrong, that dance and music are both
pretty awesome, but what really takes the bacon is what Alex ended up doing
after a few years of busting out such righteous dance moves. The hair got dyed
black and cut in a drastic type style, he took up some goth gear and a spiffy
cane and silver finger claw thingy, and BOOM, out of the blue came Berlyn, a
truly underrated character that honestly never got the fair chance that it
deserved during the dying days of my beloved WCW. I mean, compare the two
characters for a bit, and hopefully you can appreciate as I do the complete and
utter 180 done to keep himself relevant and give the fans something different.
It really is impressive, all things considered, and is a downright shame that
it never took off.
Don’t be sad that the wrestling community at large was
not yet prepared for your awesome character, Berlyn. I will always appreciate
the drastic change of persona and count it among one of the most remembered out
of all the wrestling I have seen. Ich danke ihnen sehr!
*AUDIENCE REACTION: Explosion of cheers as horrid techno
music begins blaring through the house speakers and Dave begins to rabidly Alex
Wright-dance all over the place with a righteous fury that few could hope to
match or bear witness to ever again*
Wow, this evening has been such a humbling experience.
Being surrounded by these paragons of the squared circle makes me truly proud
to be an American. This brings us to our final and most prestigious induction
of this very first class of this hallowed hall, and one that is quite simply
the essence of a complete wrestling character.
GANGREL
I absolutely adore Vampire: The Masquerade, so yes, I am
partial to Gangrel. I even recall in some of his matches as he walked down to
the ring they would place a little add in the corner of the screen with the
cover of the book on it. You can imagine how awesome I thought this was, as I
was one of the few outcasts in my youth who dared to play these nerd-fest
roleplaying game thingies. Did an add for Dungeons & Dragons ever come up
whenever Stone Cold Steve Austin or Hulk Hogan took to the squared circle? NO.
That in itself should show you just how awesome Gangrel
is. Seriously, the guy had it all in my opinion. He had a character to him. He
had a unique look. He had one of the GREATEST entrances in the history of
wrestling, as well as the coolest entrance music that I personally have ever
heard. Really, look at how awesome this entrance is!
One thing a lot of fans overlook in a wrestler is their
entrance music. When you build a character, it has to be all or nothing. You
can’t have a character who is a straight laced college jock type who comes out
to some Rage Against the Machine knock-off—Oh, well…I…uh, I guess you can, but
that doesn’t mean that you SHOULD. Gangrel’s music fit his character
completely. Not only that, but it was legit a cool song! Listen to this and try
your best to convince me that it doesn’t have a good groove to it. I dare you!
(No matter what you say, I will not listen and continue rocking out HARD to
this)
Early on, they even gave Gangrel his own faction! The
Brood was pretty damn cool no matter what incarnation you choose. I mean, let’s
take a look at who was in the Brood over the years, shall we? We have Edge (WWE
Hall of Famer), Christian (Former Heavyweight Champion), And Jeff & Matt
Hardy (Multiple time Tag champions, with Jeff even being Heavyweight champion
for a bit later on). Everyone that they surrounded Gangrel with in the Brood
went on to do some pretty great stuff, and if you want to know my personal
theory on the subject, I still hold to the notion that Gangrel ghouled them
all, giving them a dot of Potence and a small taste of his unholy power!
Gangrel’s finisher was also very cool, and was stolen by
like…BILLIONS of wrestlers to come. So, there’s that as further case to his
greatness.
Gangrel is still out there someplace, undoubtedly stalking for prey,
and it is my honor to induct him into my Hall of Fame. Also, if I wasn’t
already long ago embraced into Clan Nosferatu, I would want Gangrel to be my
Sire. Thank you all for attending this most important event, and
congratulations to the first ever Class of the Nuclear Clown Pro Wrestling Hall
of Fame!
*Audience Reaction: Mild annoyance and general muttering
as the crowd files out of the building, disappointment clearly written all over
their face. Dave stands triumphantly on stage, fist raised high in the air in
that Freddy Mercury pose, with obviously over-dubbed applause piped in through
the house speakers as confetti rains down from the ceiling and into Dave’s
mouth. Wait, that isn’t confetti. Those are Wheat Thins*
Less than a year ago, this enormous box cost 150 American Dollars.
I just bought this Star Wars: The Old Republic Collector's Edition for 1/5th of that price. That's right, 30 dollars! There is a very nice sale going on at GAMESTOP where they are trying to get rid of these, so I hopped all over that. To my knowledge, it's ONLY at Gamestop and you have to actually go there physically and buy it (I don't think this sale works by ordering from them online, but don't quote me on that).
Now, The Old Republic is going free to play in the fall, so you may be thinking "Dave, why are you buying what you can get for free?"
Good question! The Answer is, when the game goes free and TOR introduces Cartel Coins, those who have the Collector's Edition will get +1,000 Cartel Coins for free. Also, the box comes with a Month of game time, as well as giving you access to in-game Goodies that I have been wanting since the game launched (Mainly the Imperial Trooper Armor).
So, to me, getting a month of game time, as well as 1,000 Cartel Coins extra when the game does go free to play, as long as getting a really nice deal for a really big box, I figure it was well, well worth it.
What's in that big ol' box? Well...not too much. Check it.
Is it just me, or does the ipad take REALLY grainy pictures? Seriously...
We get the game in a nice black tin kinda box thingy (which I think looks very sleek and impressive), the soundtrack to the game, a neat hard cover book (that has some setting info via the Journal of some Jedi fella that I probably won't ever read), a Physical Security Key (to keep your account info safe), and a pretty hefty statue of everyone's favorite False Emperor, Darth Malgus.
You also get access to in game Collector's Edition Vendors, as well as the aforementioned Cartel Coin boost. The box also comes with a Galactic map that is kinda...well...dinky, and a few Jedi Temple blueprints that I don't care about and are not pictured.
All in all, there is NO way I would ever pay 150 bucks for this stuff. The Malgus statue is okay, but I would have preferred a bust of him with the hood up (Bust-statues, in my opinion, seem more grand and regal that full body stuff). Having a full-figure statue of the guy just reminds me of how much he looks, well, EXACTLY like Darth Vader. Come on, guys, you have to make your signature characters unique, not just lame rip-offs.
Anywho, I would have liked if there were a Darkside Collector's Box and a Lightside collector's box, and the Lightside version of the box could have come with a Satele Shan (or however you spell her name) figure. I would have chose that one instead (I like girls a lot). Having two versions of the Collector's Edition would mean more money for the game (As I could see many complete-ists shelling out 300 bucks to buy both versions), as well as a cool option depending on if you're a galactic tree hugging hippie or a cold-hearted Imperial sympathizer. Woulda been nice!
Star Wars: The Old Republic goes Free-to-Play this fall, which is pretty neat in my opinion, and I will continue with my paid subscription for the time being and see how things go. As for the Collector's Edition, I don't regret getting this for 30 bucks in the least. Thanks, Gamestop!
Note: I play TOR on "The Shadowlands" server. My main characters there are "Naydo" the Bounty Hunter and "Confidential" the Imperial Agent. Come say hi!
Some places have FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions), but
no one cares about me or what I do, so this is more of a NBAQ (Never Before
Asked Questions). I will periodically update this when I think of more
questions that no one will ever ask me. Enjoy!
What the hell is your problem?
Too many to list accurately. Next question.
Where did you come up with the name Nuclear Clown?
When I was thinking up a YouTube account name, I didn’t
want to do a name with numbers in it (SexyDavey9293, for instance) and wanted
something that was easy to remember and also not taken. I thought that “Nuclear
Clown” was nice and ridiculous, and would not be taken on Youtube. I was
correct. Also, I love games like Fallout, and generally stuff that is set in
post-apocalyptic type times/settings, so there’s that.
Who’s the Clown Girl?
That’s Atomic Angie. She is my mascot. You see, I am a
very ugly looking man, and know that it is a herculean task to gaze upon my
ugliness in Youtube videos, so I plaster pictures of a hot babe with big hoots
all over my Videos to ease the pain to any viewers who stumble across my videos
or website.
What’s with Atomic Angie, anyway? Sometimes she has a
beauty mark, other times not.
Angie isn’t actually a Clown. Like me, she is a Mutant. Her clown-like appearance is a side effect of the radiation permeating New Jersey.
Therefore, her hair is prone to change color at random, beauty marks sometimes
appear/vanish/switch sides on her face, and her mouth has also been entirely
known to vanish. This fun fact explains all variations of her appearance,
though no form of radiation is strong enough to dilute the pure suppleness of
her rack. This I can assure you with all manner of science.
Do you have Facebook?
No. Some years ago I tried Facebook for the sole purpose
of creepily keeping tabs on girls I wanted to mate with in High School, but
never really actively used it for much more. I do not have a Facebook account,
and stick to YouTube and Twitter.
Have you ever had any formal art training?
No, I’ve never been to any manner of art school. This is
why my stuff is so technically horrible. Stay in school, kids.
What equipment do you use to make the art that is
plastered all over your dumb website?
Pencils and Inks I do by hand with colors done via
computer. I use normal shit pencils and normal shit Pilot V-5 pens for thin
lines, V-7’s for thicker lines, and normal shit Sharpie thick markers for
larger areas. My inking is generally crappy, and I have been trying to find
better pens. I recently tried a brush-like type pen, but I don’t like using it.
All coloring is done via Photoshop 6.0 (I know, it’s ancient).
Do you do commissions? How much would something like that
cost?
I am poor, so yes. As for pricing, it would depend on the
complexity of what you wanted. Further inquiries about commissions should go to
IrradiatedOne@aol.com.
Why do you film your dreadful videos in Black &
White?
My complexion sucks and my face is all blotchy and pink
and gross. Beyond this, I think it stands out a bit and gives my videos a sort
of theme and look to them. I also like the classic type style of black and
white. Also-not to be all emo and Counting Crows references aside, grey is my
favorite color.
What equipment do you use to make your dumb YouTube
videos and Podcasts?
My Camera is the Sony Bloggie MHS-CM5. My Microphone is
the Audio-Technica 2020 USB Condenser Microphone that plugs right into my
computer. For Video editing I use Sony Vegas Studio Platinum 9.0.
The audio mic on the Bloggie sucks and has a constant
clicking sound, so I record the audio directly into Sony Vegas, then synch up
the Audio tracks during editing. The Bloggie has no exterior mic plug in, so I
need to either get a better camera that does or use this obnoxious method.
Since I am poor and won’t be getting a new camera anytime soon, obnoxious
method it is!
The Mic Stand I use I got at a music store for about 30
bucks. The pop filter I use I got off a music website and it was about 20. The
shock mount I use for the Microphone costs about the same.
For my Podcast I record the entire thing using the free
Audio program called Audacity, which I would highly recommend for all your
podcasting needs.
What is best in life?
To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to
hear the lamentations of their women.
That is good! Now, do you smoke or drink or do drugs?
No, scarcely, and no. I drink on quite rare occasion, and
even then, I don’t drink a lot. I refrain from these activities not for any
noble philosophical virtue or reason, they just never appealed to me.
Are you religious?
I’m not religious, nor would I consider myself an
Atheist. I think the term agnostic would apply closest to me in this particular
situation.
Why did you shave your head?
My hair was falling out of my head and I would rather
shave it all off than cling desperately to a crumbling hairline.
When do you record your Podcast?
There is no real set schedule. I really do try to do 4 Podcasts a Month, though. Sometimes I manage to succeed at this, and other times I don't. This isn't because I'm so wildly busy or anything, it's just that I am lazy and very bad at sticking to any sort of schedule.
So in Episode 74 I talk about the Henry Hill painting that my Brother got me for my Birthday some years ago. As promised, here are some pictures of all the goodies!
On my last Podcast I talked a bit about my favorite super duper comic book team, X-Statix. Yes, the name is stupid. In fact, I hate it. It is possibly one of the worst super hero team names that I could think of. However, even that could not stop me from adoring this book, which lasted, all told, about 40 or so issues. I don't do Blog Posts often, but I feel that this one warrants one, with pictures, too!
See? Pictures. Small pictures...sorry, but I couldn't find high res, biggish pictures in the 2 seconds it took me to Google this stuff.
So, why do I love this comic so much? I could go on about how in pretty much every issue someone dies and STAYS dead (Accept for Dead Girl, because, well, that's her thing...getting dead and coming back), or maybe even how the art and colors are so unique and vibrant. Oh, or maybe I could go on about how pretty much all the female members have shorter hair, and that I want to have ravenous and sloppy sexual dealings with Lacuna.
Sure, I could try to make all these points, but I'll settle for one: X-Statix was going to do a story arc about Princess Diana (Yes, that Princess Di) coming back from the dead and becoming the leader of the team. You think I'm joking? Look it up, or settle for the following picture.
Balls? Oh yea, that takes some balls.
Now, this never actually happened, because someone threw a shit fit and the idea was scrapped. So, instead of Princess Di, they changed the name and story so that it was an international Pop star (who looked EXACTLY like the good Princess, only with black hair. I have pictures for that, too).
Hey, I still give it an "A" for effort.
X-Force/X-Statix is my favorite comic book for a lot of reasons, and it also had a goddamn wolfman in it. There isn't really anything else I could say to sell this shit beyond that. WOLFMAN. I don't think that this comic is really very popular when it is all said and done, but it's definitely worth checking out if you have the means. Also, since it never made any money, I can rest assured that hollywood will never, ever decide to desecrate the fond memories I have of it by doing an extremely shitty CGI fest movie.
After a long debate with myself and my bloodthirsty staff of lawyers, I have decided to set up a legit Twitter account. You can find me there at @NuclearClownInc or you can read my latest Tweets on the sidebar of the site (over there on the right). Naturally, I wanted to just get @NuclearClown, but it was taken! Totally unfair, but 'tis life. Now, I wanna draw a nice hawt picture of Atomic Angie and have it as my Twitter Background. Lemme get right on that...
So I set up a guild in The Old Republic MMO and here is the logo for it. I love Wampas. They are the best. The vast, vast majority of you will probably not get the cruddy joke, so I give video :]
On the Podcast this week I go into disturbing detail about my one time job as a male stripper (it's a long story) and I mention my outfit during the time. Well, here it is. I used to have fangs cut out of paper that I taped to the mouth, but they looked stupid, so I got rid of it. I don't think in this picture I am wearing the dracula cape, though.
You see, I take my culture in extremely small, diluted doses, and I recently found myself at the Silver Ball Museum Arcade right here in sunny/snowy/freezing cold/unseasonably warm/downright gross New Jersey! I'll definitely be talking about this place in the next podcast, and I was blown away by the AWESOME AND RAMPANT SEXISM that was plastered all over these pinball machines (most of which were from the 60's, back when girls were girly and men had good taste.) So, I decided to take a few pictures of some of the more notable sights seen.
"Yes, puny mortals...hump for Gorgar's infinite and sexy amusement!"
By today's standards, these two shapely young dames would undoubtedly be considered fat pigs. Needless to say, today's standards are some straight tripe. This picture looks like a SPELLFIRE card gone terribly, terribly right.
On each pinball machine in the place, there is a card with the highest scores written on them. This one here is a crappily taken picture (sorry) but you can make out that the number one score is over 4 billion points. Yes, I typed BILLION. With a "B"
This pinball machine art actually encapsulates life as far as girls are concerned. Here you have some asshole who would rather play pool than pay any mind to the absolutely criminally stacked girl standing two feet away from him. Naturally, she is ALL about being ignored and treated like total shit, while meanwhile, the nice fella #58 sitting in the background who would actually buy her a hamburger and tell her she's pretty stares longingly at her ass and will surely go home alone to angrily masturbate. #58 will later lose all his hair and become a vastly unentertaining podcaster.
This scary gent is either going to fuck the living daylights out of this enormous-jugged lady, or kill her in some manner of surgical ritual. Perhaps both. Okay, very possibly both.
Anywho, it was a well good time, and it cost like 10 bucks for a whole hour of all-you-can play pinball machines and video games from days gone by. If you're ever in Asbury Park and want to stare at some blazingly fantastic breasts/learn yourself some pinball history, check out the Silver Ball Museum!
I practically live on Wikipedia. It is source for 98% of the information that I practice. It is a wonderful place that allows stupid people like me to somehow live vicariously through others who do things like pay attention and research, and if Wikipedia told me tomorrow that the sky was actually yellow and it rained Twizzlers and spaghetti, I would believe the website over my own eyes/sanity.
That being said, Jimmy, seriously, please stop asking me for money. I don't have any.
Seriously, that is some well good shit, right there.
I know that it's a cruddy picture as far as quality/resolution/clarity goes, but I searched for a good THREE OR FOUR minutes via Google to find it, so I have exhausted the limits of my effort-pool to bring you this. What was that, you ask? Is this just some random piece of young, soft lovely that I'm posting for kicks? Of course not. On the next Nuclear Clown Radio broadcast I will be talking about JASON X, where space meets machete to the delight of no one, save myself. I bring up this girl specifically in the Podcast, and I promised myself I would post a picture of her so everyone could see what I was talking to.
See, this girl right here isn't normally my type. I like girls with chin length bobbed hair, huge, unwieldy breasts and hips that could tip over a Buick. This girl here is thin, not tremendously busty, and is pretty lithe of frame. So, what's the big, then?
Easy! Style. Her outfit is fantastic and cute and boner-encouraging, and proves a point that clothing and style are often times more important and sexier than the person actually sporting the clothes to begin with. So, if you wanna see lovely Janessa here prancing about for about an hour and a half in that unbelievably sexy outfit, go watch Jason X on the Netflix instant Queue and you and your boner can have some great laughs!
So, Halloween is today...I think. See, I live in an area where some people do the whole trick or treat dealy on the 30th, and some people do it on the 31st. I have no idea what is the real date, but my friend google claims that today is Halloween. So, as part of my campaign to begin trick-or-treating online, I present to you my costume this year, thanks to my horrid photoshop skills, I proudly(?) bring to you...FAT DOCTOR MANHATTAN!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN(?) EVERYBODY!
PS: I went to three different stores just now to find car window defroster spray, and NOBODY had any. No, they weren't sold out, but flat out didn't have any yet. Can you believe that? Also, since I've done my part of the bargain and dressed up all in my costume, you can mail me food at your earliest convenience. I like pizza. Just leave it in my mailbox and we'll call it even. That is all.
In this week's podcast, I talk about the dumbass/ridiculous adventure module "Tale of the Comet" that I was lucky enough to come across for the sake of history. This is said adventure, where a party of adventurers is attacked by like...that thing there. Pretty stupid, huh? If you are a GM, and at any point think "Wouldn't it be cool to have my D&D players go in the future?" I want you to stop, punch yourself in the throat, and then take a good, long look at this image here. You will see things my way.
