Tuesday, December 25, 2012

A super duper special season's greeting from Nuclear Clown Inc!


No matter what type of ancient happy-time celebratory tradition you personally uphold, won't you please do the Irradiated One a big ol' favor and have a super fantastic holiday season! Please accept this extra special Holiday card on behalf of myself and the ever-jolly Atomic Angie! Ho-ho-ho, Ho!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 92


IN THIS STYLISTIC FEINT:
-Enter the Gooey Gak Sheath!
-Life Day and how to utterly ignore it!
-Self help and the flexing of the Responsibility Gland!
-Whopper problems and the inner turmoil of the great Computer dilemma of 2012!
-Don't call me Shortpants!
-The finer points of audio rape!
-Awesome Wrestling Entertainment and Turbo Guys!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: King's X barks and chases cars with us as we all listen to the title track from their album Dogman!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 91


IN THIS FAILURE TO CAPITULATE:
-Ben Kingsley problems!
-The great Minecraft Chicken apocalypse of 2012!
-Charlotte Church's robust rack attack?
-Uninspired torture techniques and the Governor's first term scrutiny!
-How the Shield protects us from entertainment!
-Old Republic loading screens and the quest for a fourth 50!
-Special guest host: Owen Wilson!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: DJ Shadow has a nice little showdown with FUNKY BEATZ in this week's entry to the Irradiated ipod, delivering a slice off the album Preemptive Strike, it's "High Noon!"

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 90


IN THIS WILD AND BASELESS ACCUSATION: 
-Introducing the Hostess Blitzkrieg! 
-Girls with Lobster Hands and male nipple licking for Dummies!
-Botching MMO Cash Shops, Old Republic style!
-How Minecraft fixed my computer!
-Katina Feygal?
-Sexy Vulcan Everquest throwback hooter marketing!
-Brooms to asses!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Toad the Wet Sprocket is good enough to lend us a song from their breakthrough album Fear, and remind us all to "Pray Your Gods!"

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Atomic Angie is Beautiful Part 7

So, to make a long and frustrating story short, storm no.1 knocked out my Power/Internet for about a week. Then I had Power/Internet for about 4 or 5 days. Storm no.2 knocked out my Internet for a WEEK AND A HALF, and I just not got back on today (I scavenged Internet at a friend's house to upload Episode 89 while I had the chance to). So, hopefully things SHOULD be back to normal(ish) and I can proceed polluting the information highway with audio/visual fast food wrappers. What better way to celebrate my return to the world than with some ANGIE!?!

I normally don't like Black &White pictures of my favorite clown girl because she's such a vibrant and colorful lady and all that, but this picture has a great 50's pinup model type vibe to it that I think looks better than the full color version. However, in the color version her fingernails and toenails were blue, which looked very cute! Anywho, sorry for the huge delay and all that, and I already am backed up on NCR topics for episode 90 and I finished the poster for it last nite, so, barring any more NATURAL DISASTERS or WEEKS without Internet, it should be up sometime this week? I mean, unless we have holidays coming up or whatever...oh..well, that's bogus...

Sunday, November 18, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 89 YEAR 2 ANNIVERSARY FREAK OUT SPECIAL DELUXE EDITION SPECTACULAR


IN THIS TREMENDOUSLY TARDY TWO YEAR TESTIMONY:
-Comprehensive post-Hurricane/Snowstorm coverage!
-Comprehensive post-Election coverage!
-Comprehensive post-Power/Current-Internet outage RAGE!
-How to summon your very own Danny Trejo!
-The Walking Dead is Walking Meh!
-Tips and tricks for the Japanese Gravure Idol and the rise of JORDY!
-Doomsday Prepper parenting and 5 FULL HOURS of Irradiation!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: From the one of the coolest album covers I have seen ever in my life, David Bowie helps us all celebrate Year 2 with a song from his fantastic musical offering Lodger, here comes some “Repetition!”

Monday, November 5, 2012

Happy Anniversary!

As of this post (Date and time exactly) NCR is 2 years old! This is fairly cool. However, due to power outages and NATURAL DISASTERS and the like, I was not able to, as I had anticipated/planned, do a 2nd Anniversary show and post it on the exact same day/time as the first episode (Nov 5th at 6:42 on the nose), which makes me REALLY sad and all that.

Heck, I even had the poster for the year 2 Anniversary special already done weeks ago. I THOUGHT I was prepared!

Anywho, rest assured, the 2nd Anniversary show will be up SOMETIME soonish, just not like EXACTLY a year after the first anniversary show. I have SO MUCH to discuss it will prolly be like 4 hours long. Sucks to be you if you plan on listening!

HAPPY YEAR TWO, EVERYBODY!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 88


IN THIS CONVENIENCE OF GEOGRAPHY AND SUPPLY:
-American Buckaroos!
-Inside the Irradiated studio!
-BOREDwalk Empire?
-How to properly mentor the youth of our nation!
-The year(?) of Elvira and Necromancer problems!
-I harvest the seventh batch of Weeds and make some manner of peace with Doug and Shane! 
-It's always sunny in Neverwinter!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Damian Marley heads up the welcoming committee with the comprehensively awesome title track of his album "Welcome to Jamrock!" 

Monday, October 15, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 87 NIGHT TRAP 20th ANNIVERSARY EDITION


IN THIS GRAINY DIGITAL PICTURE:
-20 years of the Trap!
-The problem with nipples!
-Mumm-Ra the ever living and Skeletor are bringing sexy back!
-An Irradiated Bag O' Donuts!
-What exactly does Belding 3:16 say?
-The Bob Marley monopoly and the birth of the Snoop Lion!
-Wayne Newton: VILLAIN!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: I have no idea who sings this song, but the Music credits at the end of the game go to Sunny BlueSkyes and Martin Lund. Whether they wrote/performed the "Night Trap Theme Song" is anyone's guess, really. Personally, I like to think that Tina Turner performed it. That's my guess and I will stick to it, see.


BONUS: As stated in the podcast, here is the picture of the original artwork for the Night Trap game, and obviously the inspiration for this Episode's poster image. I SO wish I was aware that this was on ebay at some point, as I would have sincerely done my best to get it! I am not sure how much this ended up selling for, but according to the article HERE, bidding was up to 250 clams with around 6 days left to sell.


BONUS x2: So, as promised, here is the masterwork known as Night Trap in its full cinematic glory. The person who edited this chose to include most of the girls dying. In the game, you would actually lose if this happened, as the goal was to keep as many of them alive as possible. Personally, I would have preferred the perfect ending where you are a good boy and save all the gals from certain doom, but whatev.


BONUS x3: My word, all these Bonuses! Well, I talked about a really cool article on Digitial Pictures and Tom Zito that focused a lot about the creation and making of Night Trap and the whole Full Motion Video game trend in general, so, HERE is the link! 

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 86


IN THIS VAUNTED EXPOSITION:
-Hail, Cesar!
-Return to the boardwalk!
-Brass body vs. Sludge body & the Irradiated Dojo!
-Fuzzballs and Companions get kickstarted!
-Cheek the Ripper?
-The quest for the Aggro Crag!
-How to end the world (Part Four)!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: David Bowie tells us exactly where he hasn't been all this time with a slice of sound from his album Outside, "I Have Not Been To Oxford Town!"

Monday, October 8, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 85


IN THIS UNPOSTED NOTE:
-How Columbus Day has earned a new and potent enemy!
-A most Kingly of death wishes!
-Of Barbie's & Blanks!
-Total Recall 2070 and its fantastic tits?
-Spray tanning for dummies!
-New bread and Monopoly for all!
-The trials and tribulations of one max-level hungry Warrior!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Rasputina lays down the awesome this week with one of the grandest tracks from Oh, Perilous World! and shows us how things are done "In Old Yellowcake!"


BONUS: Check out this ultra rad live version of the song featured on the Irradiated ipod this week, and take special note on the absolutely drummer, Catie D'Amica, who looks rather lovely in her cute little corset with the straps that she keeps adjusting from time to time. SWEET & YUM.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 84


IN THIS LITTLE GIGGLY DEMON SMILE:
-Red hot wisdom!
-Hail to Gotham City's Master of Disguise!
-French Silk Pie = Angel Snatch?
-An Irradiated Movie Review: Network!
-Nakedhoneyeatingbearsomg!
-Puking into toxic waste barrels for dummies!
-Star Wars: The Old Republic gets moody!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: System of a Down locks us up and throws away the key with the opener from Toxicity, here comes a "Prison Song!"

RIGHT CLICK TO DOWNLOAD

AN IRRADIATED RETRACTION: On the Podcast this week, I say that they created False Face just for the Batman TV show, which I recall reading about the Batman TV show online someplace. However, further investigation reveals that he was in fact a minor Batman Villain featured in the comics prior to the TV show! Oops! I guess you can just call me WRONG FACE, teehee!

BONUS: Here are the only two episodes of the glorious Batman TV show that featured my favorite Gotham City weirdo, False Face, portrayed by the man with the manliness name in the history of forever, MALACHI THRONE! It's a true shame that he was not featured in more episodes, but we'll always have these!




Friday, September 28, 2012

Atomic Angie is Beautiful Part 6


I had this picture of Angie penciled for literally about a year, and I just got around to inking/coloring it. I was gonna use this for the poster to NCR episode 84, but it looks too much like the poster for Episode 31, so I scrapped it. However, I just couldn't let her go to waste, so here she is!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 83


IN THIS HOWL FROM BEYOND:
-Time to go back to school with some Irradiated cliff notes!
-The Sunny side of domestic violence!
-NFL MAN TALK?
-Robocop...Mark II!
-The fifth coming of the iphone nears!
-A Nuclear Clown Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame Tragedy!
-How to end the world (Part 3)!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: We are graced with a magnificent song from my second favorite Otis of all time, Otis Redding, and his tremendous and timeless classic "I've got Dreams to Remember!"

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Own a piece of Nuclear Clown Incorporated!

(Contest Update: As of 9.24.12, two irradiated super genius winners have been crowned! That means three more prize packs are available, so get your tests in quickly! Remember, once five prize packs in total are claimed, the contest is over. Act now!)

I like contests! Do you like contests? Yay! Let’s have a contest! But first, you should watch this video right here…


Okay, here are the rules!
1. Copy and Paste the 25 Question test presented below onto an email. 

2. Highlight your answers to the test questions in BOLD and email them to me at IrradiatedOne@aol.com. Please don’t send me an email with “ABBDCCACDCDDDC” because I will lose my mind. Don’t forget that Question 25 is an essay question! I've even provided a nifty example below!

Which of these holy delicacies does McDonald's no longer sell that makes Dave really sad?
A) Filet-O-Fish
B) Big Mac
C) Arch Deluxe 
D) Quarter Pounder

3. Please include a mailing address, along with your choice of prizes (One prize from each category, further detailed below) with your test answers in case you win!

4. Keep in mind that SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED. Only the first 5 Passing tests will win prizes! This is determined on a first-come-first-serve basis, so make haste in your studies! Also, if your choice of prizes has already been claimed by someone who passed the test before you, you will need to choose a secondary prize from those left…durnit!

5. The contest will last until 5 Prize packs are claimed. After 5 Prize Packs are claimed, the contest is over and I will reveal the answers to the test on an upcoming episode of Nuclear Clown Radio.

How to make the Grade!
If you get 20 questions or more correct on my little test here, then you pass! Hurray for knowledge! The first 5 people to pass the test will win prizes! If you are a super duper Nuclear Clown Incorporated scholar mega genius and manage to get all 25 questions right, you will get a super special BONUS prize as well! 

Screw the rules, WHAT DO I WIN?
Those who pass the test will be mailed 3 original pieces of art I’ve done that have been displayed on my Youtube Channel or on my Website. There are 3 categories of pictures, and winners can choose 1 picture per category. The three categories are listed below, along with SUPER CRAPPY photographs of the merchandise!

Category 1: Ugly Dave Pictures
These are drawings of me, and they are ugly. These have all been featured on the posters for episodes of Nuclear Clown Radio.



Category 2: Various Weirdos
These are drawings of various weirdos doing various things that have been featured on the posters for episodes of Nuclear Clown Radio.





Category 3: Angie! Angie! Angie!
I love boobs. You love boobs. We all love Atomic Angie. These are drawings of everyone’s favorite BOMBshell. Get it? Bombs? Nuclear stuff? Boobers? These pictures have been featured on the posters for episodes of Nuclear Clown Radio, or have been used/showcased on my Youtube Channel or on my Website in some fashion.





A NOTE ON PRIZES: The Prizes pictured above are the Original pieces that I have immediately on hand. If you have won a Prize and REALLY want a particular piece of art that was used on NCR or NCTV that is NOT shown in the Prize Photos, then email me the piece you are looking for and I will TRY and track it down for you. I can’t make promises, though, as I am a generally disorganized fellow, but I will do my darndest for you.

ALL prizes/art/whatever is 100% original/hand drawn/inked/whatever!

All winners will be announced on Nuclear Clown Radio.

THE OFFICIAL NUCLEAR CLOWN INCORPORATED BACK TO SCHOOL QUIZ!
1. What species is Atomic Angie?
A) Human
B) Clown
C) Mutant
D) Armadillo?

2. When Dave was a kid and had to dress up as an animal for a class presentation, which animal did he choose?
A) Zebra
B) Vulture
C) Jellyfish
D) Armadillo?

3. Which of the following does Dave not currently have?
A) Twitter account
B) Facebook account
C) Youtube account
D) An enormous gut

4. What is best in life?
A) To crush your enemies
B) See them driven before you
C) Ride off to the lamentations of the women
D) All of the above

5. Dave once co-painted a picture on his art room wall in high school. What was that awesome picture of?
A) General George S. Patton
B) The Terminator
C) The Predator
D) The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

6. Pick the one thing from this list that Dave doesn’t like.
A) Spiders
B) Big, natural and fluffy boobs 
C) Netflix
D) Moira Quirk from GUTS

7. Dave plays or has played all of the following MMOs except one. Which is it?
A) Star Wars: The Old Republic
B) World of Warcraft
C) Star Trek Online
D) EVE Online

8. What is Dave’s favorite Dinosaur?
A) Triceratops
B) T-Rex
C) Raptor
D) Brontosaurus

9. If it takes more than 60 Zombies to pose a threat to 1 Vampire, that means that zombies are…
A) Stupid
B) Weak and lame crybabies
C) Overused, boring and played out
D) All of the above

10. What does Dave use to color his artwork?
A) Colored Pencil
B) Adobe Photoshop
C) Watercolor
D) Armadillo?

11. Which Resident Evil game did Dave like best out of the following?
A) Resident Evil 4
B) Resident Evil 5
C) Resident Evil: Code Veronica
D) Resident Evil Zero

12. What year was Dave born/hatched?
A) 1975
B) 1980
C) 1985
D) 2009

13. Who is Dave’s favorite Nitro Girl?
A) Whisper
B) Kimberly
C) Spice
D) Armadillo?

14. What branch of the military did Dave “join” in the April Fools Epilogue Episode of Nuclear Clown Radio?
A) The Coast Guard
B) The Navy
C) The Marines
D) The Army

15. When God visited Dave in the Nuclear Clown Radio Episode 31 End of the World special, what did he want in return for sparing New Jersey from the Rapture?
A) An ipad 2
B) 500 US dollars
C) A brand new car
D) Armadillo?

16. Dave doesn't know how to swim.
A) True
B) False

17. Dave once interviewed his idol Riley Martin.
A) True
B) False

18. Dave still uses AOL even though it sucks and everyone is mean and laughs at him for it :[
A) True
B) Armadillo?

19. Dave loves all kinds of sports and regularly does manly things!
A) True
B) So false it isn’t even funny

20. Dave likes the heat and prefers spring and summer to the colder months.
A) True
B) False

21. What is Dave’s Blood Type?
A) B
B) A
C) Q?
D) This is a trick question because Dave doesn’t even know his own Blood Type

22. Where does Nuclear Clown TV/Radio broadcast from?
A) Post Apocalyptic New Jersey
B) California
C) Parts Unknown
D) Canada

23. Dave has a flag in the background of most of his videos. Which flag is it?
A) Scotland
B) Norway
C) Wales
D) None of the above

24. Dave has owned all of the following video game systems except one. Which is it?
A) Sega CD
B) Nintendo 64
C) Super Nintendo
D) Sega Genesis

25. Essay: Why do you listen to Nuclear Clown Radio or watch Nuclear Clown TV?

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 82


IN THIS TECTONIC SHIFT:
-Get well soon, King!
-Even more Irradiated Slang!
-Flash Gordon meets Dungeons & Dragons meets boobies and America!
-The death of your Legacy!
-Sudden Impact, where art thou?
-Dirty tricks from the Resident Evil franchise!
-Corey Feldman: VILLAIN!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: In honor of the upcoming sequel to the rather spiffy game Borderlands, we play the fun theme song from the first game, brought to us from the self-titled debut album from Cage the Elephant, here comes "Ain't No Rest for the Wicked!"

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 81


IN THIS RESILIENT CHEMICAL STRAIN:
-An Irradiated duel to the death!
-The most greatest Theodore I know!
-A very special message to Ric Flair and the ladies of America!
-The finer points of Rocky and the real life deal!
-Painting yourself into an enormous corner, Old Republic style!
-DINO FIGHT!
-The secret and sinister evils of Dora and Diego?
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: We all get together and ascend above dissension with David Bowie and AL B. FREAKING SURE! singing about the finer points of groovy unity with the title track off of the rather special album Black Tie, White Noise!

Thursday, August 30, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 1980


IN THIS MOUNT RUSHMORE OF CRUSH:
-The trials and tribulations of proving that you're not a robot!
-DR<3HN4EVAH!
-Modern Vampires are pussies!
-All this time and still dreaming and jocking!
-A truly majestic Hall of Fame!
-Who killed UFC 151?
-Guilds and Wars and 80 levels of chipmunk midget frustration!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Faith No More tells us how to dispose of some pesky residue from crime scenes anywhere with a song from their severely underrated album King For a Day, Fool for a Lifetime, it's "Evidence!"

Monday, August 27, 2012

Your presence has been formally requested at the First Annual Nuclear Clown Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony!


As President, CEO, Board of Director member and primary stock holder of NUCLEAR CLOWN INCORPORATED, I have come to realize something about myself as a Wrestling Fan: I like shit that nobody likes.

As such, it is with great honor and humility that I proudly introduce the OFFICIAL NUCLEAR CLOWN PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME. Each year, an esteemed council of Pro Wrestling experts, fans and judges will tirelessly review BILLIONS of possible candidates from the entire spectrum of pro wrestling history, and induct a rare few who have the gumption, legendary status, as well as mental fortitude to exceed the sport and become absolutely true legends in this hallowed industry.

Translation: I will induct people that I like. Most of which “real” wrestling fans will most likely laugh at me for liking.

As I sit here typing this, I am in a full tuxedo, dressed to the gills with my big fat bald head waxed to a pearly shine. This is a black tie affair, and I do hope that you are properly dressed for the occasion. You all changed and Ventrue-ish? Excellent. Now, it is with great pride that I present to you the VERY FIRST Induction of theClass of 2012…

NORMAN SMILEY

Now, when I first saw Norman Smiley wrestle, I was immediately fascinated with his shoes. This is tremendously gay, I know, but he wore these old style amateur wrestling shoe type dealies that just immediately grabbed my attention. He didn’t have too much flavor to him at first, but he did this really great looking swinging body slam that was very cool looking, so I kept my eye on him and his awesome freaking shoes.

I’ve often said that being a good, proficient wrestler in the ring is all well and good, but means very little if you don’t have SOME kind of character to pair with it. This isn’t simply an athletic display like the Olympics, but it’s more a show, like a circus or gladiatorial event. You need style, panache, and all that good stuff to REALLY stand out, not just sweet moves or technical proficiency. Norman had that shit down fine, but he needed some flash, and he certainly got some when he developed THE BIG WIGGLE. I should never want to see another man perform this hip-motion ever in my life, but my god, man, it fills me with glee every time.


Another thing about Normal Smiley I really like? The guy has a great voice. He’s this calm and articulate and relaxed fellow. The guy could read me a bedtime story and I’d be asleep for days. I will boldly predict that if Norman Smiley worked suicide prevention hotlines, he would CURE SUICIDE. His name is SMILEY for crying out loud. Who would ever want to die after talking with a man named Smiley?


You are the VERY first ever inductee to my Hall of Fame, Norman. If I was a rich man I would build an official Hall of Fame building and have your awesome shoes in a glass case for the masses to marvel at. Welcome home.


*AUDIENCE REACTION: Respectful and polite applause as well as numerous Big Wiggle interpretations throughout the crowd*

Our second inductee is of particular importance to myself and my penis. As a young boy, I lost literal gallons of precious seed to her perky smile and astonishing gyrations. The WCW Nitro girls were a vastly awesome idea in my opinion, and they always added to the show because they were used sparsely here or there, returning from a commercial break for a quick dance-session or the like. If they were around nowadays, they would eat up 10 minute segments on Raw and quickly grow tiresome, but WCW did it right.

Everyone had a favorite Nitro Girl. There were a bunch to choose from, most of which, to me, were silly looking cardboard cut-outs. Long hair, big, rock hard bolted on fake boobs, and zero, and I mean ZERO personality or style. However, amid the endless sea of plastic and ex-strippers there was a gleaming light that I was immediately drawn to every Monday Nite, and she is our second induction this evening.

NITRO GIRL SPICE

Seriously. Look at her. Look. At. Her. LOOK AT HER!


Spice always came across to me as less a human being and more some magical woodland fairy creature that would flitter and prance about the majestic lands of some D&D misty glade, sprinkling horny-dust all over the place and forever evading the lurking sexual predators of said forest (which were giant and bald and fat and all named Dave for some reason).


Of all the Nitro girls, she actually had her own vibe and flavor to her. She stood out, because she didn’t have giant fake hoots or long hair. She had her own style, her own personality, and is the Nitro Girl that launched a thousand boners that all happened to belong to me. Growing up, nobody I talked to about wrestling ever knew who Spice was. I felt like I was the only one who cared about the poor dear, but I know I am not alone in my wild longings to crush her bones to fine powder during a copious and sloppy session of lard-covered Dave-loving. The wrestling community may have overlooked you, my dear woman, but I never will, and I proudly welcome you as the First lady of the Nuclear Clown Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame.

*AUDIENCE REACTION: Hushed gasps and whispers as security is required to remove Dave from the stage after a prolonged session of “Air-Humping”*

Well, now that all that Air Humping is outta my system…

Modern day wrestling seems to be some distant offspring to what I once used to watch and enjoy as a youth. Of all the things that wrestling nowadays lacks that it used to have, the one thing I miss most has got to be the simple and long neglected use of Managers and Valets.

Sure, the Joker is cool and all that, but isn’t he just THAT much better with Harley Quinn at his side, bopping around and being cute? Pro wrestling is about characters and illusions and stories, and nothing brings those characters to life better than supporting characters to further define the idea you are trying to express to an audience with a Wrestler.  Which brings us to our third induction for the evening…

GOLDUST & MARLENA

If you were to ask me who my all time favorite wrestler is, I might give you a different answer each day of the week. However, I can promise you that on at least two of those days, my answer would be Goldust & Marlena. Surely you will say “But, Dave, Marlena ain’t no wrestler!” and I would agree. However, this character of the freaky, opponent-feeling-up, movie obsessed actor and his cigar smoking Director, all clad in Gold, is a package deal for me, and in my opinion, was the height of what a character should be in pro wrestling. 

I mean, really, the guy is like straight up James Bond/Batman villain level we're talking here.


Goldust stuck around for numerous years after his partnership with Marlena, but yaknow, it just wasn’t the same. He got electrocuted, teamed up with Booker T, and from time to time you’d see him on TV, but I don’t think the entire essence of the character was ever fully whole since those old glory days alongside Marlena, and as far as I’m concerned, both sides of this awesome duo deserve equal recognition for making it all work, and with that, I welcome them proudly to this elite group!


*AUDIENCE REACTION: Sheer horror as Dave tears off his Tuxedo to reveal that his entire fat and nude body has been painted gold. Horror soon turns to a sea of giggles as the women in the audience take in the ludicrously undersized sight of Dave’s flaccid and shriveled up goo launcher*

Over the course of their careers, Wrestlers often take up various identity changes in an attempt to connect with an audience. Few Pro Wrestlers can say that they have maintained the same character for the entire length of their career, and it is a rare few who do manage to completely change up their identity and become reborn as something completely, utterly different than the persona they once held fast to. Our next induction made a beyond drastic change in character that was vastly underappreciated by the wrestling community as a whole, but I not only remember it vividly, but absolutely loved it.

BERLYN

Alex Wright was a good looking, blond and German Master-Race-looking type of fella in WCW who came out to the ring to heinous Euro-trash techno music while dancing like a foppish and gay retard. Don’t believe me? Check it.


Now, don’t get me wrong, that dance and music are both pretty awesome, but what really takes the bacon is what Alex ended up doing after a few years of busting out such righteous dance moves. The hair got dyed black and cut in a drastic type style, he took up some goth gear and a spiffy cane and silver finger claw thingy, and BOOM, out of the blue came Berlyn, a truly underrated character that honestly never got the fair chance that it deserved during the dying days of my beloved WCW. I mean, compare the two characters for a bit, and hopefully you can appreciate as I do the complete and utter 180 done to keep himself relevant and give the fans something different. It really is impressive, all things considered, and is a downright shame that it never took off.


Don’t be sad that the wrestling community at large was not yet prepared for your awesome character, Berlyn. I will always appreciate the drastic change of persona and count it among one of the most remembered out of all the wrestling I have seen. Ich danke ihnen sehr!

*AUDIENCE REACTION: Explosion of cheers as horrid techno music begins blaring through the house speakers and Dave begins to rabidly Alex Wright-dance all over the place with a righteous fury that few could hope to match or bear witness to ever again*

Wow, this evening has been such a humbling experience. Being surrounded by these paragons of the squared circle makes me truly proud to be an American. This brings us to our final and most prestigious induction of this very first class of this hallowed hall, and one that is quite simply the essence of a complete wrestling character.

GANGREL

I absolutely adore Vampire: The Masquerade, so yes, I am partial to Gangrel. I even recall in some of his matches as he walked down to the ring they would place a little add in the corner of the screen with the cover of the book on it. You can imagine how awesome I thought this was, as I was one of the few outcasts in my youth who dared to play these nerd-fest roleplaying game thingies. Did an add for Dungeons & Dragons ever come up whenever Stone Cold Steve Austin or Hulk Hogan took to the squared circle? NO.

That in itself should show you just how awesome Gangrel is. Seriously, the guy had it all in my opinion. He had a character to him. He had a unique look. He had one of the GREATEST entrances in the history of wrestling, as well as the coolest entrance music that I personally have ever heard. Really, look at how awesome this entrance is!


One thing a lot of fans overlook in a wrestler is their entrance music. When you build a character, it has to be all or nothing. You can’t have a character who is a straight laced college jock type who comes out to some Rage Against the Machine knock-off—Oh, well…I…uh, I guess you can, but that doesn’t mean that you SHOULD. Gangrel’s music fit his character completely. Not only that, but it was legit a cool song! Listen to this and try your best to convince me that it doesn’t have a good groove to it. I dare you! (No matter what you say, I will not listen and continue rocking out HARD to this)


Early on, they even gave Gangrel his own faction! The Brood was pretty damn cool no matter what incarnation you choose. I mean, let’s take a look at who was in the Brood over the years, shall we? We have Edge (WWE Hall of Famer), Christian (Former Heavyweight Champion), And Jeff & Matt Hardy (Multiple time Tag champions, with Jeff even being Heavyweight champion for a bit later on). Everyone that they surrounded Gangrel with in the Brood went on to do some pretty great stuff, and if you want to know my personal theory on the subject, I still hold to the notion that Gangrel ghouled them all, giving them a dot of Potence and a small taste of his unholy power!

Gangrel’s finisher was also very cool, and was stolen by like…BILLIONS of wrestlers to come. So, there’s that as further case to his greatness.


Gangrel is still out there someplace, undoubtedly stalking for prey, and it is my honor to induct him into my Hall of Fame. Also, if I wasn’t already long ago embraced into Clan Nosferatu, I would want Gangrel to be my Sire. Thank you all for attending this most important event, and congratulations to the first ever Class of the Nuclear Clown Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame!

*Audience Reaction: Mild annoyance and general muttering as the crowd files out of the building, disappointment clearly written all over their face. Dave stands triumphantly on stage, fist raised high in the air in that Freddy Mercury pose, with obviously over-dubbed applause piped in through the house speakers as confetti rains down from the ceiling and into Dave’s mouth. Wait, that isn’t confetti. Those are Wheat Thins*

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 79


IN THIS DECADENT SALTINE:
-How to end the world (Part Two)!
-Super bowl or GTFO!
-Let's all waste 5 million dollars WWE style!
-Of ultimate optimists and Old Republics!
-The boring lives of model-humping, center-of-the-earth-commuting invincible robot builders!
-Dave Mustaine: Time traveler!
-SUBWAYPIZZAFUCK!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Megadeth takes us on safari with the title song from their classic and NON-REMASTERED gem, let's all check our watches for this "Countdown to Extinction!"

Thursday, August 9, 2012

The difference 8 months can make!


Less than a year ago, this enormous box cost 150 American Dollars.

I just bought this Star Wars: The Old Republic Collector's Edition for 1/5th of that price. That's right, 30 dollars! There is a very nice sale going on at GAMESTOP where they are trying to get rid of these, so I hopped all over that. To my knowledge, it's ONLY at Gamestop and you have to actually go there physically and buy it (I don't think this sale works by ordering from them online, but don't quote me on that).

Now, The Old Republic is going free to play in the fall, so you may be thinking "Dave, why are you buying what you can get for free?"

Good question! The Answer is, when the game goes free and TOR introduces Cartel Coins, those who have the Collector's Edition will get +1,000 Cartel Coins for free. Also, the box comes with a Month of game time, as well as giving you access to in-game Goodies that I have been wanting since the game launched (Mainly the Imperial Trooper Armor). 

So, to me, getting a month of game time, as well as 1,000 Cartel Coins extra when the game does go free to play, as long as getting a really nice deal for a really big box, I figure it was well, well worth it. 

What's in that big ol' box? Well...not too much. Check it.

Is it just me, or does the ipad take REALLY grainy pictures? Seriously...
We get the game in a nice black tin kinda box thingy (which I think looks very sleek and impressive), the soundtrack to the game, a neat hard cover book (that has some setting info via the Journal of some Jedi fella that I probably won't ever read), a Physical Security Key (to keep your account info safe), and a pretty hefty statue of everyone's favorite False Emperor, Darth Malgus.

You also get access to in game Collector's Edition Vendors, as well as the aforementioned Cartel Coin boost. The box also comes with a Galactic map that is kinda...well...dinky, and a few Jedi Temple blueprints that I don't care about and are not pictured. 

All in all, there is NO way I would ever pay 150 bucks for this stuff. The Malgus statue is okay, but I would have preferred a bust of him with the hood up (Bust-statues, in my opinion, seem more grand and regal that full body stuff). Having a full-figure statue of the guy just reminds me of how much he looks, well, EXACTLY like Darth Vader. Come on, guys, you have to make your signature characters unique, not just lame rip-offs.

Anywho, I would have liked if there were a Darkside Collector's Box and a Lightside collector's box, and the Lightside version of the box could have come with a Satele Shan (or however you spell her name) figure. I would have chose that one instead (I like girls a lot). Having two versions of the Collector's Edition would mean more money for the game (As I could see many complete-ists shelling out 300 bucks to buy both versions), as well as a cool option depending on if you're a galactic tree hugging hippie or a cold-hearted Imperial sympathizer. Woulda been nice!

Star Wars: The Old Republic goes Free-to-Play this fall, which is pretty neat in my opinion, and I will continue with my paid subscription for the time being and see how things go. As for the Collector's Edition, I don't regret getting this for 30 bucks in the least. Thanks, Gamestop!

Note: I play TOR on "The Shadowlands" server. My main characters there are "Naydo" the Bounty Hunter and "Confidential" the Imperial Agent. Come say hi!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 78


IN THIS CRUMBLING MONOLITH:
-How to end the world (Part 1)!
-NJ AJ GM?
-Death to the chicken man!
-O, Jack Tunney, where art thou? 
-Requiem for a Cyberballer!
-Free republic for all!
-Cold coffee and the fast food war against gay marriage!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Primitive Radio Gods teaches us the finer points of the fairer sex with the opening number from their album Rocket, here come the "Women!"

The OFFICIAL Nuclear Clown Incorporated NBAQ


Some places have FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions), but no one cares about me or what I do, so this is more of a NBAQ (Never Before Asked Questions). I will periodically update this when I think of more questions that no one will ever ask me. Enjoy!

What the hell is your problem?
Too many to list accurately. Next question.

Where did you come up with the name Nuclear Clown?
When I was thinking up a YouTube account name, I didn’t want to do a name with numbers in it (SexyDavey9293, for instance) and wanted something that was easy to remember and also not taken. I thought that “Nuclear Clown” was nice and ridiculous, and would not be taken on Youtube. I was correct. Also, I love games like Fallout, and generally stuff that is set in post-apocalyptic type times/settings, so there’s that.

Who’s the Clown Girl?
That’s Atomic Angie. She is my mascot. You see, I am a very ugly looking man, and know that it is a herculean task to gaze upon my ugliness in Youtube videos, so I plaster pictures of a hot babe with big hoots all over my Videos to ease the pain to any viewers who stumble across my videos or website.

What’s with Atomic Angie, anyway? Sometimes she has a beauty mark, other times not.
Angie isn’t actually a Clown. Like me, she is a Mutant. Her clown-like appearance is a side effect of the radiation permeating New Jersey. Therefore, her hair is prone to change color at random, beauty marks sometimes appear/vanish/switch sides on her face, and her mouth has also been entirely known to vanish. This fun fact explains all variations of her appearance, though no form of radiation is strong enough to dilute the pure suppleness of her rack. This I can assure you with all manner of science.

Do you have Facebook?
No. Some years ago I tried Facebook for the sole purpose of creepily keeping tabs on girls I wanted to mate with in High School, but never really actively used it for much more. I do not have a Facebook account, and stick to YouTube and Twitter.

Have you ever had any formal art training?
No, I’ve never been to any manner of art school. This is why my stuff is so technically horrible. Stay in school, kids.

What equipment do you use to make the art that is plastered all over your dumb website?
Pencils and Inks I do by hand with colors done via computer. I use normal shit pencils and normal shit Pilot V-5 pens for thin lines, V-7’s for thicker lines, and normal shit Sharpie thick markers for larger areas. My inking is generally crappy, and I have been trying to find better pens. I recently tried a brush-like type pen, but I don’t like using it. All coloring is done via Photoshop 6.0 (I know, it’s ancient).

Do you do commissions? How much would something like that cost?
I am poor, so yes. As for pricing, it would depend on the complexity of what you wanted. Further inquiries about commissions should go to IrradiatedOne@aol.com.

Why do you film your dreadful videos in Black & White?
My complexion sucks and my face is all blotchy and pink and gross. Beyond this, I think it stands out a bit and gives my videos a sort of theme and look to them. I also like the classic type style of black and white. Also-not to be all emo and Counting Crows references aside, grey is my favorite color.

What equipment do you use to make your dumb YouTube videos and Podcasts?
My Camera is the Sony Bloggie MHS-CM5. My Microphone is the Audio-Technica 2020 USB Condenser Microphone that plugs right into my computer. For Video editing I use Sony Vegas Studio Platinum 9.0.

The audio mic on the Bloggie sucks and has a constant clicking sound, so I record the audio directly into Sony Vegas, then synch up the Audio tracks during editing. The Bloggie has no exterior mic plug in, so I need to either get a better camera that does or use this obnoxious method. Since I am poor and won’t be getting a new camera anytime soon, obnoxious method it is!

The Mic Stand I use I got at a music store for about 30 bucks. The pop filter I use I got off a music website and it was about 20. The shock mount I use for the Microphone costs about the same.

For my Podcast I record the entire thing using the free Audio program called Audacity, which I would highly recommend for all your podcasting needs.

What is best in life?
To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.

That is good! Now, do you smoke or drink or do drugs?
No, scarcely, and no. I drink on quite rare occasion, and even then, I don’t drink a lot. I refrain from these activities not for any noble philosophical virtue or reason, they just never appealed to me.  

Are you religious?
I’m not religious, nor would I consider myself an Atheist. I think the term agnostic would apply closest to me in this particular situation.

Why did you shave your head?
My hair was falling out of my head and I would rather shave it all off than cling desperately to a crumbling hairline.

When do you record your Podcast?
There is no real set schedule. I really do try to do 4 Podcasts a Month, though. Sometimes I manage to succeed at this, and other times I don't. This isn't because I'm so wildly busy or anything, it's just that I am lazy and very bad at sticking to any sort of schedule.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 77


IN THIS SURGICALLY RAVAGED GRIN:
-A Season 6 total non-review!
-How not to tail police vehicles while engaging in ludicrous speeding!
-The saga of the toof!
-Celebrity Tweet hunters unite!
-OILCHANGEPUKE?
-Let's get five pegs worth of stupid!
-The Irradiated One needs YOUR help to ride in style!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: David Bowie begs us all to hang around for just a bit longer with this gem of sound from Station to Station, it's "Stay!" 

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 76


IN THIS COILED VIPER SIMPLY WAITING TO STRIKE:
-I'm in the Zone! The Twilight Zone!
-Chael Sonnen is approximately seventeen times the man that you are!
-Space robot sex!
-Commercial volume issues and the thing about Ghosts!
-EliteRogueSpyNonsenseFest2012!
-Gehenna for Dummies!
-American Jukebox Auctioneer drama!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: The Canadian hip-hop super duo of Dan-e-o and Promise join lyrical forces to create beats supreme as Perfeck Strangers, with a song from their debut album Series Premiere, here comes "Ghetto!" Like the song? Feel free to download the ENTIRE Perfeck Strangers album right HERE for the low, low price of absolutely free!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 3/4th OF A CENTURY


IN THIS BORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY BUT NOT RELEASED 
FROM THE HOSPITAL UNTIL THE FIFTH OF JULY TYPE DEALY THING:
-Heath Slater: Legend summoner supreme!
-Cowger Conservatism!
-Of Broncos, serpents and Gentlemen!
-Completely predictable and rather non-shocking Hollywood divorces!
-Lolo Jones' rippling abs and allegedly untouched snatch is no concern of mine!
-Behold, the humble and faithful church of the Werebeast is born!
-NCR gets political and Anderson Cooper is a Data!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: For a very special Episode of NCR we get a DOUBLE SHOT of song and dance from Rasputina, with two songs from their latest release Sister Kinderhook, here comes a "Holocaust of Giants" and an "Afternoon of the Faun!"

Thursday, June 28, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 74


IN THIS UNFINISHED FLIP BOOK CARTOON:
-Dave & Animation vs. THE ALIEN!
-The truth about In Living Color!
-Masterworks from a not-so-good fella!
-How Repeater from GI Joe ruined a childhood friendship!
-I don't care what you say, TNA is still goofy!
-My problems with Kickstarter! 
-Bane finally gets his due (I hope)!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Red Hot Chili Peppers show us a sliver of their former glory with the lead off song to the absolute classic Blood Sugar Sex Magik, here comes "The Power of Equality!"

There is no spell check in witness protection.

So in Episode 74 I talk about the Henry Hill painting that my Brother got me for my Birthday some years ago. As promised, here are some pictures of all the goodies!



Wednesday, June 13, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 73


IN THIS DOSE OF FROTHY LIQUID COURAGE:
-Of Kings and Cups!
-How not to be a role model, by Dixie Carter!
-The Gay Lantern Corps!
-Level caps, server mergers and the return of HK! 
-Vulcans in porn and some Irradiated smut suggestions!
-What's NEXT for D&D?
-Return to the Bing!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Toad the Wet Sprocket show us their Tzimisce roots with a lovely sliver from their debut album Bread and Circus, a Vicissitude-filled song that's "Always Changing Probably!"

Thursday, June 7, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 72.5


IN THIS KINDA SORTA EPISODE BUT NOT REALLY:
-TNA Hall of fame, Dash Rendar issues, Skyrim Vampire problems, Irradiated advice to the youth of our nation, Summer Torpor time and the wisdom of the Mantis!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: The Monkees pick up their instruments and play us a dolphin-but-different type song from the soundtrack of their film "Head", here comes a "Porpoise Song!"

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 72


IN THIS EVERLASTING OATH OF FEALTY: 
-Game of Thrones goes full D&D!
-Wretched hives of scum and villainy for me, please!
-Irradiated first impression: Skyrim!
-The dire state of the Garden State and a less than stirring rallying cry!
-I <3 AJ!
-Joey Ryan, Brother Love and straight up robbery in TNA!
-My problems with Canons!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: David Bowie shows us his Human papers and plays us a nice little number from his Earthling album. Here comes "Looking for Satellites!"

Friday, June 1, 2012

NUCLEAR CLOWN RADIO - EPISODE 71


IN THIS FLEETING GLANCE AT STUFF YOU SHOULDN'T BE LOOKING AT ANYWAY:
-The people vs. America Online!
-Favicons for all!
-Customer service is just 2 SVEET! 
-A most expensive hamburger of all time?
-Naughty kitties and how to carry 'em!
-How to track down the Jersey devil for 900 bucks via satellite!
-The Prequel Experiment (Phase Two)!
-On the Irradiated ipod this week: Sonic Youth blasts us into oblivion with some spiffy spoken wordishness! From the album Washing Machine, here comes "Skip Tracer!"