I've always liked Perry Saturn. The Eliminators in the original ECW were seriously legit, and even in WCW I really liked Saturn's stuff. To this day, I think "The Rings of Saturn" is the fucking sickest sounding submission hold in the history of the universe. I don't know about you, but if someone said "Dave, would you rather me behead you with this ax here, or would you rather me put you in THE RINGS OF SATURN for a few seconds" then I'd easily take decapitation. I loved using Saturn in the CLASSIC WCW wrestling video games for N64, and even though his WWE run wasn't very good, (Join the club of WCW badasses who were made to look like freaking jokes once they jumped ship) I always liked watching him wrestle.
Wikipedia says that Saturn joined the army at age 17 for 4 years and became an Airbourbe-fucking-Ranger.
When I was 17 years old, I was jerking off my tiny penis frequently, stuffing my fat freaking face with fast food and egg nog and trying my best to avoid any kind of responsibility for my behavior and actions. Actually, I'm 30 now and not much has changed in that regard. The point I'm poorly trying to make is that I couldn't imagine going through anything like that at 17. I'm just flat out not brave/strong/good enough. HOWEVER, let's see Saturn try and drink a whole half gallon of Egg Nog in one sitting, hmmmmm? DIDN'T THINK SO, PERRY.
What can I say, we all have our gifts.
Rumor has it that Perry Saturn saw some girl getting raped by two guys and he got involved trying to help her, getting shot in the throat for his trouble. I've heard and read this on a billion wrestling sites, yet it's not listed on his Wikipedia page for some reason. As for the truth? Who knows.
I found this video on a wrestling site and it really stuck out to me. Perry's been through hard times lately. Getting shot, being homeless, finding himself wrapped up in meth addiction. It's insane. However, what really REALLY stands out for me is how Saturn talks about his problems. He doesn't show an ounce of "pity me" or "Feel bad for me". He doesn't claim that Jesus helped him pull through his addiction like so many Wrestlers just LOVE to do after they get out of the ring. To borrow a well-worn cliche, he tells it like it is, and makes no excuses. I really, really respect that.
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