My actions are controlled easily by clever marketing.

So, I shave my head, and find a whole brave, bald new world of shit to buy for myself. You see, I am spending more money on my bald head than I ever had when I had hair! I mean, look at all this cool shit that is made just for bald people, they have a company called Headblade, which specializes on all sorts of funky, brightly colored, smartly marketed junk to buy to keep your skull smooth, soft, and glossy. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the HEADBLADE, which looks like it should come out of Batman’s utility belt and not the shaving section of the Rite Aid down the street for me.

That shit’s got WHEELS, son! A razor with wheels? How cool looking is that? And that’s not all! You see, Headblade sells all sorts of funky creams and lotions and head-related crap to buy for yourself and your newly exposed noggin. At present, I have a Headblade, the OFFICIAL headblade menthol shaving cream gel, and two bottles of the Headlube stuff (One Sunscreen and the other Glossy). Just take a gander at these spiffy looking products!

This descent into baldness made me realize something about myself that I guess I always knew-I am a fucking sucker for any kind of marketing. If you have a snazzy logo and some interestingly colored, sweetly packaged junk to sell me, I will buy it up in a second. Now, the Headblade stuff I have isn’t crap-it actually works very well, but it’s just funny how anything with snazzy marketing and a cool logo can get my attention. This is probably why I have so many goddamn Dungeons and Dragons books that I continue to buy even though I currently hate Wizards of the Coast and everything that burps out of its gaping, cash hungry vagina.

But anyway, the moral of the story is, if you have a flashy logo and brightly colored merchandise, just come and take away all my money, because I’m already sold.